I have been on hiatus. I took a break, from myself. Could give some ridiculous reason/excuse, "blah blah," about why I haven't been writing but I've got nothing. Creativity block, perhaps. Instead of having some particular topic of analytical dissection, I will pull a season finale of Tosh, and re-cap.
In the past few months, I got bored with monotony, and decided to mix it up. Quit my job(s). Packed my stuff. Relocated. Started new job. Made new friends. Ripped hole in my foot. Present day. Feel like you know everything now? Great.
Where to start? Yes. I moved. I got tired of seeing the same people every day. Tired of craving something new to do. And MOST IMPORTANTLY, I got really tired of the stupid drama that comes from my own friends.
Tangent, and bitch slap for people I associate with on a boozing basis: the majority of you must have peaked in high school because it seems as though you're trying to recreate senior year on a weekend basis. I have never heard of so many grown adults gossiping, in my life. Maybe when people are constantly in your business, it should be taken as a compliment. Instead, I view it as an annoying headache. Grow up, fools!
Back to relevance...
I packed up and moved with a good friend of mine to my state's capitol. Also, the home of lots of denim and generic boots, people who would cut off a limb to be famous, and terrible drivers. Oh, and I LOVE it. In the wonderful 25, cough cough, years I have been alive, I have moved a few times. This is my favorite city thus far. There is always something to do, and it is very rarely the same thing. You still get that awesome Southern hospitality, which I can't seem to live without. P.S., Yankee accents make me want to pull out someone else's hair. (Why would I ruin mine? It's fantastic.)
I got a job at a really awesome place with super cool co-workers. Not always easy to find the combination of the two. There are a lot of females where I work at as well. Boy, did I get lucky. Most of the time, an abundance in female employees means the clock seems to stand still during a shift. Oh, you know what I mean. "There's this boy that I like, and I don't know why he hasn't called." "Oh, I'm cramping sooooo bad so I can't do much today." (Usually about twice a month.) "And she said blah blah blah, and I said blah blah, so she said blah." Give my poor ears a break. I'm at work. Not on an episode of The View. Good thing this job has some cool chicks who like to work hard and party just as hard.
Everything that has happened in this city so far seems to be pretty bad ass. Found a few really cool spots to frequent. Love that if you "class it up," as a female out and about, guys actually pay for drinks. And, contrary to what that means for some, I'm not bedazzling anything. Not for lack of trying. If any of my readers have a bedazzler or would purchase me one, I would rock some fancy denim out on the town in a heartbeat.
Worst thing that's happened so far, since the move, is my debilitating foot wound I currently am sporting. Summation: found a nail with my bare foot. Kind of walked a little more after I stepped down, equaling a hole/rip in the bottom of my foot. Feels amazing. Looked like I was auditioning for a massacre movie when my roommate walked in the house. She hates blood. Score.
Even whilst I sat in a government funded, seemingly hepatitis filled clinic today, I was still happy to be in my new city. (Turns out, tetanus shots are free if you can brave a waiting room where you feel like you could be the shot minority at any point.) Happy to be here but not happy to be immobile. Oh well, cabin fever led to me writing again.
Life is good. Perhaps that is why I haven't written anything in a while. I tend to have an abundance of creativity when I'm not mega happy. Safe to say I'm pretty happy right now. I'm a lucky girl. Hope it doesn't turn me into a creativity lacking loser.
Don't forget to "like" my facebook page, P.S. from P.H. Or, hit me up on twitter. (Also, PSfromPH) Good place to give me topic ideas or lash out erratically. See you soon.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
"Only After Disaster can we be Resurrected."
I just read an article. Well, it was more of a short book, really. Actually, I am in the process of reading it so that first part is a lie. I'm not quite finished yet. I stopped because it put me in a very weird mood and made me want to write. As I have said before, I am inspired by all kinds of random things. This guy writes in an indefatigable way. (My 10th grade English teacher would be proud of me for that one.) I want to be a better writer after reading what I have read thus far.
The story is about a city. He describes the city as if it is a person. A long lost friend. He writes as if the story is about someone who used to be grand. Like it is a local celebrity, who is washed up and sits at the end of a bar, in some hole in the wall, with an empty shot glass in front of him. He writes about this city similarly to how John Berendt wrote about Savannah in Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. Except this one is a little more "ghosts of city's past."
I, like a city, have parts of me that are no longer alive. I also have a constant state of rebirth and renewal. Perseverance and resilience. If you have been lucky enough to know me personally, for a long time, you know what I mean. You are probably laughing right now at mental images of my severe awkwardness as a middle schooler. Or, perhaps, my "hippie phase." One of my best friends and I still joke about my cargo camo pants that I wore until they fell apart when I was 13 or so. I was tragically ugly growing up. As these small parts of me "die," I am blessed with the birth of my aging. Each day is a new way to make a decision, to make a right turn instead of left. To choose to smile instead of frown. I do thank God for every day that I am given. I am a pretty lucky girl.
It got me thinking, the story did, about what I want. After thinking about how things once were, versus what they have become, I think about where I fall into all of that. Though I am far from ladylike, I sometimes feel like I am an old soul. Like, I should have been born in a different era. Not necessarily the old western days full of petticoats and bloomers, but sometime perhaps in the 1920's. Or, even the 50's or 60's. Put me in a kitchen, married, barefoot, and pregnant. Though there are many women who cringe at this thought, it doesn't make me very unhappy. I know I want a family someday and I love to cook. What is so wrong with that? Women fought so hard for equal rights, but we are required to hold the same household duties. Is it so much better now that we work so much that we are physically and emotionally exhausted at the end of the day? ( I meant that more so in reference to my girlfriends, who work themselves to death and have a husband and children to tend to as well. It's tiresome to think about.)
Things I want in life:
I want to marry the man of my dreams. I want to have 3 (or so) children, and want to own a decent sized home somewhere over the rainbow. Okay, I'm kidding about that last part, obviously. But I do want the very normal dreams of a happy family, success, and to live to be wrinkly amounts of old with my husband. Now that I think about it, isn't that "The American Dream?" Is it still? Makes you wonder in this time of a poor economy, record amounts of divorce and crime.
I may not be the best with numbers, or the smartest kid in the class. I have so many things that I do not do well, but I have plenty in which I excel. Obviously, I write, (though don't judge my blogs as my writing portfolio.) I write songs as well. I sing. I paint, not well I may add. More like folk art. I'm no Van Gogh, that is for sure. I am relatively athletically inclined, when my asthma isn't trying to kill me. Also, I'm one crafty little lady. (Okay, "lady" was a stretch, huh?) Martha Stewart is still one of my idols. Very successful, and still showing women how they can be superstars of their household. Oh, and she served time and still came out on top. Just sayin...
I'll take the tools God gave me, and use them. I probably won't end up being the best writer in the world, or the best singer/songwriter, or painter. But, I will continue to do them and prove that it is something that I love and enjoy. I've been on a big kick lately with a quote I read recently. It was about working out, and getting your body in the best physical form you can, which I am also slowly working on at this point. Somehow it ties in here as well. Something to the extent of "you only live once. Why not make your body look as perfectly as God created it?" (Not verbatim, but you get the point.)
I know this: I don't want to be the old city at the end of the bar in some hole in the wall, with an empty shot glass in front of me. I want to be New York when the whole world wanted to be there. Give me LA and the delusions of grandeur. I'll take New Orleans when Jazz originated or Dallas during the oil boom. I could be D.C. after Martin Luther King Jr.'s speech or, well, you get the picture. I could keep going. I'll be the city singing, in the spotlight, on the main stage any day. Watch. I'll prove it.
The story is about a city. He describes the city as if it is a person. A long lost friend. He writes as if the story is about someone who used to be grand. Like it is a local celebrity, who is washed up and sits at the end of a bar, in some hole in the wall, with an empty shot glass in front of him. He writes about this city similarly to how John Berendt wrote about Savannah in Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. Except this one is a little more "ghosts of city's past."
I, like a city, have parts of me that are no longer alive. I also have a constant state of rebirth and renewal. Perseverance and resilience. If you have been lucky enough to know me personally, for a long time, you know what I mean. You are probably laughing right now at mental images of my severe awkwardness as a middle schooler. Or, perhaps, my "hippie phase." One of my best friends and I still joke about my cargo camo pants that I wore until they fell apart when I was 13 or so. I was tragically ugly growing up. As these small parts of me "die," I am blessed with the birth of my aging. Each day is a new way to make a decision, to make a right turn instead of left. To choose to smile instead of frown. I do thank God for every day that I am given. I am a pretty lucky girl.
It got me thinking, the story did, about what I want. After thinking about how things once were, versus what they have become, I think about where I fall into all of that. Though I am far from ladylike, I sometimes feel like I am an old soul. Like, I should have been born in a different era. Not necessarily the old western days full of petticoats and bloomers, but sometime perhaps in the 1920's. Or, even the 50's or 60's. Put me in a kitchen, married, barefoot, and pregnant. Though there are many women who cringe at this thought, it doesn't make me very unhappy. I know I want a family someday and I love to cook. What is so wrong with that? Women fought so hard for equal rights, but we are required to hold the same household duties. Is it so much better now that we work so much that we are physically and emotionally exhausted at the end of the day? ( I meant that more so in reference to my girlfriends, who work themselves to death and have a husband and children to tend to as well. It's tiresome to think about.)
Things I want in life:
I want to marry the man of my dreams. I want to have 3 (or so) children, and want to own a decent sized home somewhere over the rainbow. Okay, I'm kidding about that last part, obviously. But I do want the very normal dreams of a happy family, success, and to live to be wrinkly amounts of old with my husband. Now that I think about it, isn't that "The American Dream?" Is it still? Makes you wonder in this time of a poor economy, record amounts of divorce and crime.
I may not be the best with numbers, or the smartest kid in the class. I have so many things that I do not do well, but I have plenty in which I excel. Obviously, I write, (though don't judge my blogs as my writing portfolio.) I write songs as well. I sing. I paint, not well I may add. More like folk art. I'm no Van Gogh, that is for sure. I am relatively athletically inclined, when my asthma isn't trying to kill me. Also, I'm one crafty little lady. (Okay, "lady" was a stretch, huh?) Martha Stewart is still one of my idols. Very successful, and still showing women how they can be superstars of their household. Oh, and she served time and still came out on top. Just sayin...
I'll take the tools God gave me, and use them. I probably won't end up being the best writer in the world, or the best singer/songwriter, or painter. But, I will continue to do them and prove that it is something that I love and enjoy. I've been on a big kick lately with a quote I read recently. It was about working out, and getting your body in the best physical form you can, which I am also slowly working on at this point. Somehow it ties in here as well. Something to the extent of "you only live once. Why not make your body look as perfectly as God created it?" (Not verbatim, but you get the point.)
I know this: I don't want to be the old city at the end of the bar in some hole in the wall, with an empty shot glass in front of me. I want to be New York when the whole world wanted to be there. Give me LA and the delusions of grandeur. I'll take New Orleans when Jazz originated or Dallas during the oil boom. I could be D.C. after Martin Luther King Jr.'s speech or, well, you get the picture. I could keep going. I'll be the city singing, in the spotlight, on the main stage any day. Watch. I'll prove it.
Monday, July 25, 2011
"What you've read so far is not the whole truth."
I get inspired by different things. Sometimes I will have a conversation that will lead me to write a song. Or, I will watch a movie and it will get the creative juices flowing. I can see a person on the street and think what life must be like in their shoes. I will have a dream, then paint something and hang it on a wall. Today I find myself to be inspired. I will warn you, however, that this blog is all over the place. My thoughts are currently on what is real, and what is not. Try and see if you can keep up.
Concepts make me think. Theories and notions, conspiracies and philosophies alike. (Yes, I realize that was a grammatically incorrect sentence. However, this is the nonsense that comes out of my head. So, I don't care.) These all make me question whether or not the proposed ideal is probable or not. Can it be real? Or, is it an amusing fairy tale? Some of my favorite stories are those which the writer seems to be completely drug induced. Alice in Wonderland, (the original Lewis Carroll, not this crazy Tim Burton version), is one of my all time favorites. Are you aware that this record selling tale is originally a story told to three little girls in order to appease them? Though this is not a theory or concept, I find this to be entertaining and a good jumping off point. In Alice in Wonderland, there are references throughout the story that depict a 10 year old girl named Alice on an adventure. Alice Liddell was the daughter of the Vice Chancellor of Oxford University, in 1862, when the story was first told. The "rabbit hole" is an imaginative portrayal of a set of stairs found in Christ Church. The setting for the entire story is centered around Oxford. Certain characters are based upon actual people who were in the daily lives of Charles Lutwidge Dodgson, aka: Lewis Carroll. As you may know, the mad hatter was based on actual "mad hatters" of the time. Mercury was used when making hats during the mid 1800's and hat makers often went mad with mercury poisoning. What you may not know is that almost every detail of the book can be traced back to Oxford and thing that occurred in Dodgson's everyday life. Do you recall the part of the story when Alice eats something which causes her to grow? The fireplace in the dining hall at Oxford University is decorated with two metal dogs, which have elongated necks. There was a garden on campus that Alice Liddell and her sisters were not allowed to enter. They referred to this garden as "wonderland." Was Dodgson on some mild altering drug when this story was first told? Doubtful. You have to give it to him though. He had a talent for storytelling and a pretty wicked imagination.
I had a professor, a few years ago, that quickly became one of my favorites. Though he was a bit of a dork, he made us question things that we assume to be true. He made us question things that are engraved in our brains as small children. Granted, he was the guy you saw at the gym wearing Crocs and talking on his cell phone whilst using the stair master, (this actually happened), he was very smart. He pointed out a few things about Christianity that most people never consider. For instance, the King James Version of the Bible. Did you know that Shakespeare was the number one writer and playwright during the years of the King James's reign? There is plenty of speculation that Shakespeare had a strong hand in translating the King James Version of the Bible. Psalm 46 has an interesting code that has raised an eyebrow or two over the years. Look it up, it's some interesting stuff. 46 words from the beginning of the chapter is the word "shake," while 46 words from the end of the chapter is "spear." Coincidentally, Shakespeare was 46 in 1610, when the KJV was in preparation to be printed. Although there is no real proof that Shakespeare had anything to do with the KJV translation, the idea that it is a possibility tends to make devout Christians a little antsy. The majority of Shakespeare's plays were written about the love of a young man. Though no one knows if he was actually gay or not, King James himself was pretty openly into guys. Think about that for a minute or two. I found an article that said "Like your Bible? Thank a homosexual." My grandmother would probably quit talking to me if she read this. Most people who are opposed to such things would choose not to believe that this is true. Is there any correlation with such secular views and the book which guides so many, worldwide? Who knows? I choose to believe what I believe about God and Christianity regardless of such notion.
One of my favorite theories is that of dreams vs. reality. Have you seen the movie "Inception?" This movie covers quite a bit of this theory by making the viewer constantly question what is a dream and what is reality. Philosopher Rene Descartes made this theory popular in the early 1600's with his Dream Argument. He argues that there is not enough sensory evidence to support dreams vs. actually being awake. If he can feel the warmth of a fire during a dream, how can he be sure that the dream is not actually reality and vice versa? This theory has more followers than you might assume. Many people find this concept to be absurd. However, the argument is extremely thought provoked. The majority of the opposed believe that a dream cannot possibly be reality because you can fall for what seems like a lifetime or die multiple times. If one can die repeatedly, how can one life, including an afterlife be a possibility? There are other movies which have touched on this idea. "The Matrix," "Avatar," and "Vanilla Sky" are others. Though I do not believe that dreams are actual reality, I find Descartes theory to be a very intriguing one.
Another concept that is slightly more common and widely known is the idea of soul mates. The accepted definition of a soul mate is the idea that one has a twin soul or twin flame. "A pair of star-cross'd lovers." This means that these two people more or less "complete" each other. Plato first wrote about soul mates in The Symposium. Aristophanes explains that humans were first created with two faces, one head, four arms and four legs. Zeus became frustrated with this creatures and their attempts to scale Mt. Olympus, so he decided to split them in half. They then sought after their other half, in attempts to become whole again. Is it conceivable that a person really has that strong of a connection with another being? There is somewhere near 7 billion people in the world right now. If the idea of a soul mate is possible, the odds seem to suggest otherwise. What are the chances that John will actually find Jane in his lifetime? This is especially true if he doesn't travel. It is beyond ridiculous to assume that two people can be soul mates and live in the same town in nowhere, USA. Since, I am apparently going to quote movies today, I bring up "What Dreams May Come." If you have not seen this movie, I suggest renting it. Hell, BUY it. I love the idea that this movie presents. An ugly look into the possibility that two people actually find themselves in another and what happens when this takes place. I generally think that people created the idea of soul mates because they believe it must be fate that they have ended up with a particular person. To each their own, but as a Christian, I believe the Man upstairs has a big hand pairing the right people together. When you start saying things at the same time and having dreams which coincide with something someone is thinking, I think you have God to thank for that one. Maybe it is meant to be. Not, however, the planets aligning and some crazy spiritual revelation. Can you "just know?" Perhaps.
Though I realize this blog is slightly all over the place, my basis was the idea that things are not always what you may seem. There are generally two sides and more to a story or notion than the average person assumes. Think for yourself. Question authority. If you are intrigued by something, look it up. We are privileged to have the internet at our disposal. You are lucky enough to not have to crack open a dusty copy of the Encyclopedia Britannica. I have been really thinking about that last concept lately. Everything happens for a reason, or so I like to believe. It's all part of the plan. We are given choices though, and get to decide if we believe they are right or wrong.
Concepts make me think. Theories and notions, conspiracies and philosophies alike. (Yes, I realize that was a grammatically incorrect sentence. However, this is the nonsense that comes out of my head. So, I don't care.) These all make me question whether or not the proposed ideal is probable or not. Can it be real? Or, is it an amusing fairy tale? Some of my favorite stories are those which the writer seems to be completely drug induced. Alice in Wonderland, (the original Lewis Carroll, not this crazy Tim Burton version), is one of my all time favorites. Are you aware that this record selling tale is originally a story told to three little girls in order to appease them? Though this is not a theory or concept, I find this to be entertaining and a good jumping off point. In Alice in Wonderland, there are references throughout the story that depict a 10 year old girl named Alice on an adventure. Alice Liddell was the daughter of the Vice Chancellor of Oxford University, in 1862, when the story was first told. The "rabbit hole" is an imaginative portrayal of a set of stairs found in Christ Church. The setting for the entire story is centered around Oxford. Certain characters are based upon actual people who were in the daily lives of Charles Lutwidge Dodgson, aka: Lewis Carroll. As you may know, the mad hatter was based on actual "mad hatters" of the time. Mercury was used when making hats during the mid 1800's and hat makers often went mad with mercury poisoning. What you may not know is that almost every detail of the book can be traced back to Oxford and thing that occurred in Dodgson's everyday life. Do you recall the part of the story when Alice eats something which causes her to grow? The fireplace in the dining hall at Oxford University is decorated with two metal dogs, which have elongated necks. There was a garden on campus that Alice Liddell and her sisters were not allowed to enter. They referred to this garden as "wonderland." Was Dodgson on some mild altering drug when this story was first told? Doubtful. You have to give it to him though. He had a talent for storytelling and a pretty wicked imagination.
I had a professor, a few years ago, that quickly became one of my favorites. Though he was a bit of a dork, he made us question things that we assume to be true. He made us question things that are engraved in our brains as small children. Granted, he was the guy you saw at the gym wearing Crocs and talking on his cell phone whilst using the stair master, (this actually happened), he was very smart. He pointed out a few things about Christianity that most people never consider. For instance, the King James Version of the Bible. Did you know that Shakespeare was the number one writer and playwright during the years of the King James's reign? There is plenty of speculation that Shakespeare had a strong hand in translating the King James Version of the Bible. Psalm 46 has an interesting code that has raised an eyebrow or two over the years. Look it up, it's some interesting stuff. 46 words from the beginning of the chapter is the word "shake," while 46 words from the end of the chapter is "spear." Coincidentally, Shakespeare was 46 in 1610, when the KJV was in preparation to be printed. Although there is no real proof that Shakespeare had anything to do with the KJV translation, the idea that it is a possibility tends to make devout Christians a little antsy. The majority of Shakespeare's plays were written about the love of a young man. Though no one knows if he was actually gay or not, King James himself was pretty openly into guys. Think about that for a minute or two. I found an article that said "Like your Bible? Thank a homosexual." My grandmother would probably quit talking to me if she read this. Most people who are opposed to such things would choose not to believe that this is true. Is there any correlation with such secular views and the book which guides so many, worldwide? Who knows? I choose to believe what I believe about God and Christianity regardless of such notion.
One of my favorite theories is that of dreams vs. reality. Have you seen the movie "Inception?" This movie covers quite a bit of this theory by making the viewer constantly question what is a dream and what is reality. Philosopher Rene Descartes made this theory popular in the early 1600's with his Dream Argument. He argues that there is not enough sensory evidence to support dreams vs. actually being awake. If he can feel the warmth of a fire during a dream, how can he be sure that the dream is not actually reality and vice versa? This theory has more followers than you might assume. Many people find this concept to be absurd. However, the argument is extremely thought provoked. The majority of the opposed believe that a dream cannot possibly be reality because you can fall for what seems like a lifetime or die multiple times. If one can die repeatedly, how can one life, including an afterlife be a possibility? There are other movies which have touched on this idea. "The Matrix," "Avatar," and "Vanilla Sky" are others. Though I do not believe that dreams are actual reality, I find Descartes theory to be a very intriguing one.
Another concept that is slightly more common and widely known is the idea of soul mates. The accepted definition of a soul mate is the idea that one has a twin soul or twin flame. "A pair of star-cross'd lovers." This means that these two people more or less "complete" each other. Plato first wrote about soul mates in The Symposium. Aristophanes explains that humans were first created with two faces, one head, four arms and four legs. Zeus became frustrated with this creatures and their attempts to scale Mt. Olympus, so he decided to split them in half. They then sought after their other half, in attempts to become whole again. Is it conceivable that a person really has that strong of a connection with another being? There is somewhere near 7 billion people in the world right now. If the idea of a soul mate is possible, the odds seem to suggest otherwise. What are the chances that John will actually find Jane in his lifetime? This is especially true if he doesn't travel. It is beyond ridiculous to assume that two people can be soul mates and live in the same town in nowhere, USA. Since, I am apparently going to quote movies today, I bring up "What Dreams May Come." If you have not seen this movie, I suggest renting it. Hell, BUY it. I love the idea that this movie presents. An ugly look into the possibility that two people actually find themselves in another and what happens when this takes place. I generally think that people created the idea of soul mates because they believe it must be fate that they have ended up with a particular person. To each their own, but as a Christian, I believe the Man upstairs has a big hand pairing the right people together. When you start saying things at the same time and having dreams which coincide with something someone is thinking, I think you have God to thank for that one. Maybe it is meant to be. Not, however, the planets aligning and some crazy spiritual revelation. Can you "just know?" Perhaps.
Though I realize this blog is slightly all over the place, my basis was the idea that things are not always what you may seem. There are generally two sides and more to a story or notion than the average person assumes. Think for yourself. Question authority. If you are intrigued by something, look it up. We are privileged to have the internet at our disposal. You are lucky enough to not have to crack open a dusty copy of the Encyclopedia Britannica. I have been really thinking about that last concept lately. Everything happens for a reason, or so I like to believe. It's all part of the plan. We are given choices though, and get to decide if we believe they are right or wrong.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
You've... Got Mail. Part Deux.
I have been procrastinating this one. Many reasons as to why I would do such a thing...
As you all know, I recently entered the mysterious world of online dating. Well, I should say I visited or looked at through a window. I didn't pay for any subscriptions, so I can't actually communicate. This was really to see if the first glance at the major websites, proved to be sufficient evidence, that there was hope in finding someone via internet. (Wordiest sentence ever? Perhaps.)
Here is what happens after you create a profile on multiple online dating websites:
I'm sure that online dating is a very awesome tool for those who don't really have a way to meet people. Say, for instance, that you recently moved to a city and don't know anyone. Or, you work a lot and don't want to go meet people in bars. I get it. Maybe, if I'm still single in a few years I will be on every dating website known to man. Until then, I'm going to continue staring at the muscular guys at the gym, facebook stalking, and pray that when my friends say they are going to hook me up with someone, that I can trust their judgement. It's not like I'm really that picky. I was just telling my heterolife mate that the only things I can really think of that I'm looking for are: tall, good skin (preferably tanner than my ginger skin), muscles and works out a lot, must love dogs, non smoker, has to believe in God, have a good career, has to drink at least occasionally, wants children, drives a truck or suv, likes to travel and can be social. See? I'm not picky. This shouldn't be a problem for me.
P.S. I have had an abnormally large amount of weird "pickup lines" lately. The two best ones that win?
1. "Wow. Once I got over how beautiful you are I must say... You look EXACTLY like my second wife. Like, spitting image." I said "Um, is that a good thing or bad thing?" His response? "I don't know, I haven't married her yet." Yes, this actually happened. However, it is not as classy as the next one.
2. "Hey, I wanted to introduce you to my friends but I can't remember your first name. You told me your last name is Emerson, right?" "Um, no. My last name is not Emerson. Sorry." "Oh, are you sure? Cause Emerson big ol' boobies!" Not only did this happen, I now have a particular man-friend who calls me Emerson. Fantastic. Keep it classy, Tennessee.
This blog was originally written almost 2 years ago. Though I have still not found "the one," I am still not a paying member to any online dating service. I do have friends that this has been working out for, I must admit. It's some of me being stubborn and thinking that I can find the right one without help, and part of me getting to the point where I just don't care. He'll show up at some point, right? I'm exhausted.
As you all know, I recently entered the mysterious world of online dating. Well, I should say I visited or looked at through a window. I didn't pay for any subscriptions, so I can't actually communicate. This was really to see if the first glance at the major websites, proved to be sufficient evidence, that there was hope in finding someone via internet. (Wordiest sentence ever? Perhaps.)
Here is what happens after you create a profile on multiple online dating websites:
- You realize there is a reason why this whole thing would weird someone out in the first place. There are PLENTY of creepers on these sites. Also, many, many, many, many, of these people are terribly unattractive. You can tell me all day long that you care more about what's on the inside. I, however, will be honest and say I have to first be attracted to the outside. Judge me if you will.
- As with any website, you have to enter a contact email address. And, as with most websites, they begin emailing the ever living hell out of you. I realize that "ever living hell out of you" may not actually make sense but I felt like it was dramatic enough to portray the annoyance. I get about 10-15 emails per day, all giving me some reason to upgrade to a paid subscription. This reason alone may be why I am not a fan. I feel like this is similar to a guy asking you out repeatedly when you aren't interested. There is this one guy that asks me to hang out at least once a week. I always have an excuse why I can't. Take a hint. You too, websites. I know where the button is to click and subscribe. Your incessant emails aren't going to push me in that direction.
- Honestly, my main problem with these websites has more to do with me and less to do with the sites themselves. I still can't get past the thought that I'm capable of finding someone on my own, without a website generator pairing me with a stranger. I'm sure it doesn't help that this was kind of a dare and I'm not actually in it to find someone. Oops.
I'm sure that online dating is a very awesome tool for those who don't really have a way to meet people. Say, for instance, that you recently moved to a city and don't know anyone. Or, you work a lot and don't want to go meet people in bars. I get it. Maybe, if I'm still single in a few years I will be on every dating website known to man. Until then, I'm going to continue staring at the muscular guys at the gym, facebook stalking, and pray that when my friends say they are going to hook me up with someone, that I can trust their judgement. It's not like I'm really that picky. I was just telling my heterolife mate that the only things I can really think of that I'm looking for are: tall, good skin (preferably tanner than my ginger skin), muscles and works out a lot, must love dogs, non smoker, has to believe in God, have a good career, has to drink at least occasionally, wants children, drives a truck or suv, likes to travel and can be social. See? I'm not picky. This shouldn't be a problem for me.
P.S. I have had an abnormally large amount of weird "pickup lines" lately. The two best ones that win?
1. "Wow. Once I got over how beautiful you are I must say... You look EXACTLY like my second wife. Like, spitting image." I said "Um, is that a good thing or bad thing?" His response? "I don't know, I haven't married her yet." Yes, this actually happened. However, it is not as classy as the next one.
2. "Hey, I wanted to introduce you to my friends but I can't remember your first name. You told me your last name is Emerson, right?" "Um, no. My last name is not Emerson. Sorry." "Oh, are you sure? Cause Emerson big ol' boobies!" Not only did this happen, I now have a particular man-friend who calls me Emerson. Fantastic. Keep it classy, Tennessee.
This blog was originally written almost 2 years ago. Though I have still not found "the one," I am still not a paying member to any online dating service. I do have friends that this has been working out for, I must admit. It's some of me being stubborn and thinking that I can find the right one without help, and part of me getting to the point where I just don't care. He'll show up at some point, right? I'm exhausted.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
You've... Got Mail. Part One.
June 18, 2011
First day at sea and I'm already longing for...
Okay I'm kidding. I may talk like a sailor from time to time but I am no seaman, and I surely am not going to write like one. However, these next few posts are going to be entered chronologically as I am entering an epic quest. Though many attempt, few conquer. What magical adventure is this? A journey, be it physical or emotional? Alas, no! I am venturing into the realm of online dating.
Oh, that's right. The social, internet version of coffee shops, bars, high school lunch rooms, nightclubs and where ever else people meet one another. The difference, other than the 3D meeting of the opposite sex, is the ability to "pass" based on qualities or characteristics of he/she. This can be something as simple as opposing religious or political views, or in my case, passing on someone who is obviously a douche bag based on a head shot alone. You are perhaps unaware that I have an ability to view these tools by viewing only a picture or two, but tis true. I have the uncanny capability to do so. (I need no comments from the peanut gallery here, based on my track record. It has improved over the years.)
In order to feel as though I am thoroughly researching this topic, I have registered to the "sample" or "free" versions of some of the major online dating sites this week. I realize that the free version does not sound thorough but you may see why I have yet to pay for one of these, once I continue. I have not decided if I will disclose which sites I am using in my research. I have reasons to withhold such information, such as my personal listing on these sites. This first entry, part one, will give the beginning insight to this interesting process.
First: I set up a personal profile for the website I had heard about the most. This site offers a very basic, user friendly, free edition for those who want to peruse. Though you have to subscribe to access many of the features this website offers, you can view anyone's profile for free. I find this to be helpful because you can see if it is a waste of your time or not. This site allows members to email each other, show their interest, do something similar to a Facebook "poke," and even chat. Most of these are exclusive to the paid edition, of course. Subscriptions are offered for 1-6 month increments, at a painful price of $18.99-$31.99 per month. Hence, why I am a free member. Though I haven't been on this site very long, I would say it may be the only one I would pay to join, if I were going down that road. They offer daily matches, and you can do a search by location or mile radius. NOTE: There are actually some good looking guys on this one. I haven't checked out the ladies side of this, obviously, but I was pleasantly surprised in the man selection. I also have some very good friends who are married and met via this site. Just sayin...
Second: I set up a profile for site #2. Turns out it is owned by site #1, so my registration was nearly completed for me, thanks to auto-fill. This site gives a personality test, and then matches you accordingly. I'm an explorer, if anyone was curious. That's right. Sounds kind of bad-ass doesn't it? That's what I thought. Take that, you "builders." Sheesh. Once again, daily matches, only this site uses first names instead of user names. I'm totally sketched out about using my first name on one of these. My matches, thus far, have left much much more to be desired. Oh, and subscription is as follows: (you may want to sit down, or grab a trash can for this one), $27.00-$50.00 PER MONTH.
Third: I will say the least about this one because it is my least favorite. I have done the least with my profile on this site and there is an obvious reason for this. My DBag radar went off, pronto. The only pictures I have seen with this one are full on creepers. That is, unless of course, you're totally into middle aged men with long hair and gold chains. I don't know how much subscription is and don't care.
Fourth: I just filled out a forever long questionnaire. One of those that makes you believe that you could really find someone with similar interests. I get to the very end and it says you have to subscribe to see anything else. No matches, no temporary subscription, nothing free, and definitely no passing go. Oh and it's almost $175 for 6 months. Kiss my... well you get the idea.
Fifth: I am relying on my knowledge from other people on this website. You have to pay to join but I hear the reputation precedes itself. I know of a couple that met on this site and have been married for over a year now. We will see...
That's all you get for now. A novelesque beginning to meeting someone you could potentially see yourself dating for the long haul. Keep in mind that each of these sites let you put in very specific qualities about yourself and who you hope to find. I am VERY picky. This should be interesting. Stay tuned!
P.S. There should be a website for only the weird creepers and people you could meet in a dive bar, separate from the other ones. No, guy in the american flag wife beater, eagle pendant chain, with the long ponytail... I'm glad you're "patriotic" but I'm not interested. Sorry.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
True or False: All is fair in Love and War??
This blog is different. If you are expecting me to say silly things about uneventful topics, prepare yourself. Those of the male gender will probably like this article the least. However, I feel the need to write about something more thought provoked every now and then. I'll try not to get too "Carrie Bradshaw" on you, but no promises. Here goes...
A strong statement, first uttered hundreds of years ago, has been repeated and dissected more times than anyone can count. Are all things fair in love and war? Or, is the truth, that love and war are one in the same? There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. That is why fairy tales exist. Someone told a story to a cheeky little girl, to put her to sleep at night, long ago. Some story of romance and perfection, to make her head clouded with the thoughts of her Prince Charming to come in the future. What became of that little girl? Was she the first playwright for romantic comedies? Okay, most of us know that the first playwright for a romantic comedy was a man, and his stage actors were all male. Either way, I consider romantic comedies and fairy tales to be one in the same. They each lead the reader, listener, or audience to believe that there is a perfect match for every person. Are these stories fiction or non-fiction?
If age adds wisdom then I believe I am learning. Though I have never been a hopeless romantic, alas a serial crusher, I might have told you at one point in time in my life that I believed in a perfect match or a soul mate. My thoughts now, however, are quite different. The probabilities of finding the perfect person for you, with an estimated near 7 billion occupants on this colorful planet, are simply ridiculous. Does that mean that each person cannot find someone with which they can spend happily ever after? Of course not! We are supposed to be able to find our "counter part in another." (I laughed whilst typing that last part.)
The question posed from watching countless, far fetched, chick flicks is how long is the right amount of time to fall in love? Is it one year? Is it 6 months? If you google "how long does it take to fall in love," the answers are all completely different. I read a message board, written by all women of course, and some of the answers were laughable. My favorite was, "I knew within moments of meeting him." REALLY??? You knew in MOMENTS? I find that hard to believe. I have been in love. More than once, even. None of my relationships have led me to believe I was in love with someone in moments though. Call me cynical but that seems like something a really naive, unexperienced person would say. Who knows though?
How far would you be willing to go to chance it? The chance of having a connection with someone that led to you growing old together. Would you move across the country multiple times? Would you sabotage a friendship with someone over the chance that maybe there is something there with someone? Wouldn't a real friend want you to be happy anyway? Would you go against your friends and family in order to pursue happiness? Or how about posting an online dating profile, hoping that your friends don't see, but that a fantastic stranger does? The times are changing. Your parents aren't generally going to match you up with someone like the olden days. You aren't trading livestock or a family name. You are looking for happiness... to not end up alone.
Some people rush things. Some people are so scared to settle down that they never do and ruin any chance of a stable, happy relationship. Some couples enter a relationship and are so scared to exit it, even if they know it won't work in the future, that they stay out of fear. Some settle. Some people, and here is the kicker, never find someone with which they are compatible. I am afraid of that. I am afraid of not finding someone, eventually. I am somewhere in the midst of all of this. My friends are all getting married and settling down. I have learned not to rush things, out of previous experience, so I find myself single and debating. Have I met the man that I will one day marry? I cannot say yes, for certain. Will I fight for it when it comes along? You bet your ass I will. Other than betraying family and people I consider true friends, there isn't much I wouldn't do. You live once. I have said it before and I will say it again: take chances. Fall in love. Fall out of love. Fall in love again. BUT, if the "real thing" comes along, don't destroy the chance that could be. Take chances, I say! Are all things fair in love/war? I say yes. Do you?
This blog is dedicated to someone about a recent conversation. Hope this helps, mate!
A strong statement, first uttered hundreds of years ago, has been repeated and dissected more times than anyone can count. Are all things fair in love and war? Or, is the truth, that love and war are one in the same? There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. That is why fairy tales exist. Someone told a story to a cheeky little girl, to put her to sleep at night, long ago. Some story of romance and perfection, to make her head clouded with the thoughts of her Prince Charming to come in the future. What became of that little girl? Was she the first playwright for romantic comedies? Okay, most of us know that the first playwright for a romantic comedy was a man, and his stage actors were all male. Either way, I consider romantic comedies and fairy tales to be one in the same. They each lead the reader, listener, or audience to believe that there is a perfect match for every person. Are these stories fiction or non-fiction?
If age adds wisdom then I believe I am learning. Though I have never been a hopeless romantic, alas a serial crusher, I might have told you at one point in time in my life that I believed in a perfect match or a soul mate. My thoughts now, however, are quite different. The probabilities of finding the perfect person for you, with an estimated near 7 billion occupants on this colorful planet, are simply ridiculous. Does that mean that each person cannot find someone with which they can spend happily ever after? Of course not! We are supposed to be able to find our "counter part in another." (I laughed whilst typing that last part.)
The question posed from watching countless, far fetched, chick flicks is how long is the right amount of time to fall in love? Is it one year? Is it 6 months? If you google "how long does it take to fall in love," the answers are all completely different. I read a message board, written by all women of course, and some of the answers were laughable. My favorite was, "I knew within moments of meeting him." REALLY??? You knew in MOMENTS? I find that hard to believe. I have been in love. More than once, even. None of my relationships have led me to believe I was in love with someone in moments though. Call me cynical but that seems like something a really naive, unexperienced person would say. Who knows though?
How far would you be willing to go to chance it? The chance of having a connection with someone that led to you growing old together. Would you move across the country multiple times? Would you sabotage a friendship with someone over the chance that maybe there is something there with someone? Wouldn't a real friend want you to be happy anyway? Would you go against your friends and family in order to pursue happiness? Or how about posting an online dating profile, hoping that your friends don't see, but that a fantastic stranger does? The times are changing. Your parents aren't generally going to match you up with someone like the olden days. You aren't trading livestock or a family name. You are looking for happiness... to not end up alone.
Some people rush things. Some people are so scared to settle down that they never do and ruin any chance of a stable, happy relationship. Some couples enter a relationship and are so scared to exit it, even if they know it won't work in the future, that they stay out of fear. Some settle. Some people, and here is the kicker, never find someone with which they are compatible. I am afraid of that. I am afraid of not finding someone, eventually. I am somewhere in the midst of all of this. My friends are all getting married and settling down. I have learned not to rush things, out of previous experience, so I find myself single and debating. Have I met the man that I will one day marry? I cannot say yes, for certain. Will I fight for it when it comes along? You bet your ass I will. Other than betraying family and people I consider true friends, there isn't much I wouldn't do. You live once. I have said it before and I will say it again: take chances. Fall in love. Fall out of love. Fall in love again. BUT, if the "real thing" comes along, don't destroy the chance that could be. Take chances, I say! Are all things fair in love/war? I say yes. Do you?
This blog is dedicated to someone about a recent conversation. Hope this helps, mate!
Monday, April 18, 2011
You think anybody wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I'm wearing these bad boys??
Due to the feedback from the latest blog, and my overwhelming amount of laziness today, I've decided to do this again. I keep asking what you readers want to read about but most of the responses are ridiculous. I want to actually know what you want to read about. Until then, you're getting crap like this one.
My original P.S. from P.H. was my ranting about something that irked me, so this will be a follow-up of sorts. LOTS of irks. Things that get my panties in a wad. Stuff that either annoys me to no end, or makes me want to slap someone. Even if I don't verbalize it, which I generally do, these are the things I am sooooo over. (In absolutely NO particular order.)
1. Ear piercings on guys, particularly white ones. You are not Bon Jovi circa 1994. Even David Beckham looks ridiculous with those pieces of "ice" on his lobes. If he can't pull it off, guy in the armpit of America who is rocking them like he created the look, you sure as hell can't. Instead, you look like a D Bag... (Add flat brimmed hats to that as well.)
2. Use of the terms "winning" or "fail/failing." Are you people so unoriginal that you have to steal the punchline from Charlie Sheen's recent crazy outburst? It was funny for about a week, but even that was pushing it. You may look at it as making fun of a celebrity who appears to have gone off the deep end, but do you have any idea how much money he made off his "meltdown"? MILLIONS. Unless you have millions of dollars, shut up. I'm tired of everything being a "win" or "fail". It's so last month.
3. Feminists. You can vote! We get it already. You Hillary's and Lisa's preach about equality until you're blue in the face. The truth is, the majority of women still need maternity leave at some point. That is the underlying reason why women don't get treated fully equal. Not because men hate us and are afraid that we will steal their jobs. Because we are gonna need time off to pop out babies. We are here to procreate. Learn to deal with it. No one wants to hear you lobby for your vagina. Enough already. Women have it pretty awesome in this country so I'm not sure what it is that you're even yelling about. I'm all for ending violence against women but as for "equal rights in the workplace" and other day to day activities, give it a rest. I know that having a baby is a tough job. However, if I owned a business and there was a woman who was in the first few years of marriage (baby making time) and a man interviewing, and both were fully/equally qualified for the same job, which would I choose? Well, I guess it depends on how hot the guy is. (I kid, I kid.)
See previous blog about sex/gender testing in athletes as well for referencing other women's rights issues.
4. Toilet paper in the wrong direction. TP OBVIOUSLY needs to come over the top, NOT under the bottom. If you put the toilet paper facing the wrong direction, there is possibility of having all the paper unfold like a Slinky. The male species seem to be the ones who are generally guilty for this violation. Then again, you come across females from time to time who are unaware of their wrong doing. Perhaps a chromosome confusion? While I'm at it, what is with the "man paper"? I get that guys buy man TP but WOMEN??? I am appalled when I potty at a girlfriends house and she has some one-ply rice paper thin piece of crap for me to use. Really? I prefer soft to sandpaper.
5. Incorrect use of grammar and spelling. I have some very intelligent friends who still cannot spell the right form of "there." HOLY 3RD GRADE ENGLISH CLASS. Let us re-cap, shall we? "There" is an answer to the question, where? For instance, Where did you hide your expensive jewelry when your crazy aunt came to visit? Over THERE, under the mattress. Next, "their." This form shows possession. In a sentence? THEIR mother still thinks she looks good in skinny jeans. And, finally, "they're." This means "they are." Example: THEY'RE going to the U2 concert because they have terrible taste in music. Your is a similarly misused word. "Your" means it has singular possession. "YOUR" dad thinks he is a member of the Duke family."You're" means "you are." For instance: "YOU'RE" the one who listens to Michael Bolton when no one is around. You get the idea. I'm just trying to help.
6. Noise makers at the gym. OH MY GOSH. I have yet to hear this commotion from a female, so guys, this is all you. Dear guy in a t-shirt that has been cut to resemble a tank top someone three times your size would wear.... there is absolutely ZERO need for you to make the sounds you do while lifting weights. This one guy at my gym makes these breathing noises while doing EVERYTHING. This includes weights, cardio, and even crunches. I can't decide if he is preparing to teach a lamaze class or if he has terrible asthma. This guy is probably 6'2", and nearing 300lbs. He is very muscular and has his hair in this ridiculous mini-ponytail. Listen, dude, no other guy is making this racket. There is no need for you to do it either. You just sound like a pregnant woman in labor. How is that a good thing?
7. One Uppers. Oh, goodness gracious people. There is not a level to everything. You are not on some verbal mountainous climb. I had a friend who always had to one up me about everything. This may be one of the most annoying things of all time. Sometimes it is smaller, everyday topics. For instance, if I said "it is 75 degrees where I live and so beautiful today," a one upper would say, "it's 80 degrees where I live and I'm heading to the beach." If you don't know what I'm talking about, then good for you. You have had the joys and privilege of not having to deal with these annoying societal skid marks. The worst is if you have bad news and they still feel the need to have worse news. I remember venting to someone at some point about a family member of mine and a huge falling out that we had. Their response (notice how I spelled "their", there, grammatical retards)? Some story about how that particular family member had never been in their life and I should be happy that I was in the position I was in at that time. Seriously? Shut the hell up. One uppers feel the need to try and make everything about them and it pisses me off to no end. I catch myself doing it from time to time. I won't lie. I want to roundhouse kick myself.
9. People who go out of their way to be "different." I hate to tell you, but if you have a group of friends who are all trying to rise up against the norm, you're being just like each other. Therefore, negating the whole proposition. I recently heard a story about people who believe food should be free, so they refuse to pay for food. Yes, these are real life dumpster divers. Disgusting. You guys aren't anarchists, you're just stupid. Bathe yourself. Get a job. Pay for stuff like the rest of us. This here's 'Merica! Dirty hippies.
10. Really fat people in clothes that is obviously far too small for them. I can't tell you how many girls I have seen in the past month who have been in pretty much all spandex type clothes when they shouldn't be. Just because it is physically covering you, doesn't mean we can't tell what is underneath. I am not hating on overweight people. I am friends with some awesome people who are larger.I am just suggesting that these "flaunt it if you think you got it" people buy fitting clothes. I don't want to see a giant guys gut hanging out under his shirt or his plumber crack when he moves forward. Hell, I don't want to see a hot guys butt crack. Cover it up. We, being people with eyesight, are begging you.
Okay, I'm sure some of you are laughing and some of you now hate me. That is the risk I was willing to take in the name of blogging. I really wasn't trying to offend anyone. I do not, in any way think women shouldn't have rights. I just think some of these women take it too far. I do care about the environment. I just don't like people following something just because it seems like the cool thing to do. You should want to take care of this awesome planet, not because the media makes you feel like you should.
P.S. If you like U2, well, I'm sorry you have poor taste in music. :)
That's all for now, read on and comment away, blog readers!!!
My original P.S. from P.H. was my ranting about something that irked me, so this will be a follow-up of sorts. LOTS of irks. Things that get my panties in a wad. Stuff that either annoys me to no end, or makes me want to slap someone. Even if I don't verbalize it, which I generally do, these are the things I am sooooo over. (In absolutely NO particular order.)
1. Ear piercings on guys, particularly white ones. You are not Bon Jovi circa 1994. Even David Beckham looks ridiculous with those pieces of "ice" on his lobes. If he can't pull it off, guy in the armpit of America who is rocking them like he created the look, you sure as hell can't. Instead, you look like a D Bag... (Add flat brimmed hats to that as well.)
2. Use of the terms "winning" or "fail/failing." Are you people so unoriginal that you have to steal the punchline from Charlie Sheen's recent crazy outburst? It was funny for about a week, but even that was pushing it. You may look at it as making fun of a celebrity who appears to have gone off the deep end, but do you have any idea how much money he made off his "meltdown"? MILLIONS. Unless you have millions of dollars, shut up. I'm tired of everything being a "win" or "fail". It's so last month.
3. Feminists. You can vote! We get it already. You Hillary's and Lisa's preach about equality until you're blue in the face. The truth is, the majority of women still need maternity leave at some point. That is the underlying reason why women don't get treated fully equal. Not because men hate us and are afraid that we will steal their jobs. Because we are gonna need time off to pop out babies. We are here to procreate. Learn to deal with it. No one wants to hear you lobby for your vagina. Enough already. Women have it pretty awesome in this country so I'm not sure what it is that you're even yelling about. I'm all for ending violence against women but as for "equal rights in the workplace" and other day to day activities, give it a rest. I know that having a baby is a tough job. However, if I owned a business and there was a woman who was in the first few years of marriage (baby making time) and a man interviewing, and both were fully/equally qualified for the same job, which would I choose? Well, I guess it depends on how hot the guy is. (I kid, I kid.)
4. Toilet paper in the wrong direction. TP OBVIOUSLY needs to come over the top, NOT under the bottom. If you put the toilet paper facing the wrong direction, there is possibility of having all the paper unfold like a Slinky. The male species seem to be the ones who are generally guilty for this violation. Then again, you come across females from time to time who are unaware of their wrong doing. Perhaps a chromosome confusion? While I'm at it, what is with the "man paper"? I get that guys buy man TP but WOMEN??? I am appalled when I potty at a girlfriends house and she has some one-ply rice paper thin piece of crap for me to use. Really? I prefer soft to sandpaper.
5. Incorrect use of grammar and spelling. I have some very intelligent friends who still cannot spell the right form of "there." HOLY 3RD GRADE ENGLISH CLASS. Let us re-cap, shall we? "There" is an answer to the question, where? For instance, Where did you hide your expensive jewelry when your crazy aunt came to visit? Over THERE, under the mattress. Next, "their." This form shows possession. In a sentence? THEIR mother still thinks she looks good in skinny jeans. And, finally, "they're." This means "they are." Example: THEY'RE going to the U2 concert because they have terrible taste in music. Your is a similarly misused word. "Your" means it has singular possession. "YOUR" dad thinks he is a member of the Duke family."You're" means "you are." For instance: "YOU'RE" the one who listens to Michael Bolton when no one is around. You get the idea. I'm just trying to help.
6. Noise makers at the gym. OH MY GOSH. I have yet to hear this commotion from a female, so guys, this is all you. Dear guy in a t-shirt that has been cut to resemble a tank top someone three times your size would wear.... there is absolutely ZERO need for you to make the sounds you do while lifting weights. This one guy at my gym makes these breathing noises while doing EVERYTHING. This includes weights, cardio, and even crunches. I can't decide if he is preparing to teach a lamaze class or if he has terrible asthma. This guy is probably 6'2", and nearing 300lbs. He is very muscular and has his hair in this ridiculous mini-ponytail. Listen, dude, no other guy is making this racket. There is no need for you to do it either. You just sound like a pregnant woman in labor. How is that a good thing?
7. One Uppers. Oh, goodness gracious people. There is not a level to everything. You are not on some verbal mountainous climb. I had a friend who always had to one up me about everything. This may be one of the most annoying things of all time. Sometimes it is smaller, everyday topics. For instance, if I said "it is 75 degrees where I live and so beautiful today," a one upper would say, "it's 80 degrees where I live and I'm heading to the beach." If you don't know what I'm talking about, then good for you. You have had the joys and privilege of not having to deal with these annoying societal skid marks. The worst is if you have bad news and they still feel the need to have worse news. I remember venting to someone at some point about a family member of mine and a huge falling out that we had. Their response (notice how I spelled "their", there, grammatical retards)? Some story about how that particular family member had never been in their life and I should be happy that I was in the position I was in at that time. Seriously? Shut the hell up. One uppers feel the need to try and make everything about them and it pisses me off to no end. I catch myself doing it from time to time. I won't lie. I want to roundhouse kick myself.
8. "Going Green." Hold on, before you start trying to hang me... I mean as a fad. How many of you people seriously care about the environment? Really? That's funny because I remember when this movement somewhat started. When I went through my "hippie phase," years ago, I was all about recycling and doing things for the greater good of the environment. My friends gave me a hard time because I wouldn't get to-go containers from restaurants if they were made from styrofoam. How many of you "yuppie, green activists" refuse to use styrofoam? Any of you? Do you know that it takes more than 5,000 years to bio-degrade? Google the life span of litter. If you don't recycle it, or if it is non-recyclable, you will be surprised to find how long it's gonna stick around. I just don't like that this seems to be a fad. With that being said, I no longer recycle at my house, and I get styrofoam to-go containers. Screw it. I'll start doing it again in 5 years when you people move on to the newest, latest thing. Meanwhile, the only going green I'll be doing is my drinking of green beer on St. Patty's Day.
10. Really fat people in clothes that is obviously far too small for them. I can't tell you how many girls I have seen in the past month who have been in pretty much all spandex type clothes when they shouldn't be. Just because it is physically covering you, doesn't mean we can't tell what is underneath. I am not hating on overweight people. I am friends with some awesome people who are larger.I am just suggesting that these "flaunt it if you think you got it" people buy fitting clothes. I don't want to see a giant guys gut hanging out under his shirt or his plumber crack when he moves forward. Hell, I don't want to see a hot guys butt crack. Cover it up. We, being people with eyesight, are begging you.
Okay, I'm sure some of you are laughing and some of you now hate me. That is the risk I was willing to take in the name of blogging. I really wasn't trying to offend anyone. I do not, in any way think women shouldn't have rights. I just think some of these women take it too far. I do care about the environment. I just don't like people following something just because it seems like the cool thing to do. You should want to take care of this awesome planet, not because the media makes you feel like you should.
P.S. If you like U2, well, I'm sorry you have poor taste in music. :)
That's all for now, read on and comment away, blog readers!!!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
I wanna say something. I'm gonna put it out there...
I just can't decide. It's been a while since I've been here because I just can't decide. I could write about politics, but I don't think my reading audience is quite ready for that yet. I could write about the meaning of life, but I'm pretty convinced there isn't one and life is what you make it. I could write about where unicorns come from, but let's be honest, does anyone truly know where such a wonderful and majestic creature could be created? It may literally blow the mind. So, what then? Me. I'm writing about me. Why? Cause I'm obviously very selfish. (I wrote a similar blog years ago on myspace. I don't know if any of you remember what that is but it was a website similar to facebook. I did not reference the previous blog whilst writing this one. I'm curious to compare the two in the future.)
Me? Hmm. I have two dogs. If I had to pick 5 things I would go save from my house, if there were a fire, it would be the following: Scott and Belly (the dogs), my cowboy boots, my laptop, and any pictures I have that aren't saved online somewhere. (It's very convenient that my car has so much crap in it because most of the stuff I need/want is already in there.)
I care what people think. I love to say I don't but I do. We all do. You're a liar if you say otherwise. However, the older I get, the less I care. Is that why old people are so crass? Most of their friends are dead so they don't care what anyone else thinks? Oh yeah, I also lack a filter. I believe the previous sentence proves this.
Biggest turn offs: Man jewelry (of ANY kind other than a watch or a wedding ring... which I reckon would be considered a turn off as well. Haha.), bad teeth, long finger/toenails, and at this point in my life... a guy who smokes. I do not feel the need to make out with an ashtray, regardless of how much alcohol I've ingested.
Turn ons: MUSCLES. I love a guy in shape. I like tattoos, as long as they aren't of like a dragon or something. Yes, I am referencing someone. Good teeth. That's a big one. I also really like guys who drive 4x4 vehicles as well. Something more manly about them. I generally like guys to be very manly. Add men crying to my turn offs. (Yes, close friends. If you know me very well, this comment could lead to you laughing at a story from my past.)
Dream car? A 70's Bronco. Not past 77' though, they changed body styles too much in 78'. Probably a 76' or so. Yes. I am dead serious. Quit hating.
I am on the road to getting in the best shape of my life. I want to be "Jessica Biel hot." My hair may change colors a lot but I imagine it is a dirty blond. That sounds about right. Who really knows though? Little known fact? I have more grey hairs than my momma. Yeah. Silver fox by 30!! Here I come!
I have the best friends in the world. Yes, my best friends are better than your best friends. With that being said I absolutely HATE drama and remove it from my life whenever possible. I have lost friends along the way but I don't really have any desire for petty shit in my life. Get over it, drama llama. Enjoy your day.
A girl in my class was describing a current movie to another classmate the other day. Due to my years of bartending, I consider myself to be a professional eavesdropper. She said "the movie was absolutely terrible. It was full of sex, boobs and penises, cussing and other disgusting things." That's funny. Sounds like a GREAT movie to me! That should sum up how "adult" I can be.
I recently thought my insides were being depleted from an unwise decision to eat Krystal's at 2 in the morning.
I like to dress up and wear heels and what not, but I generally like jeans and my flippy floppies or my boots. My boobs are generally showing because there is no escaping them.
My all time favorite book is The Giver. Classic. With that being said, I LOVE Greek Mythology. No idea why but I can totally nerd it up from time to time and read Edith Hamilton's Mythology, though I've read it many times.
I want to be famous. I thought it would happen by now. Damnit.
Let's see how many random facts I can cram in a paragraph...I don't like chocolate or much jewelry. I do like flowers (gerber daisies, peonies and tulips are my favorite, hint hint, boys.) I LOVE seafood. It's my fav. I like the mountains, big cities and the beach. I want to play women's rugby and roller derby but don't have health insurance. I also don't know that I like the idea of someone ruining my money maker. I hate pretentious people. Ugh. I love my brother but hardly ever get to see him. I thought I'd be married by now but I'm glad I'm not. I still want 3 kids. One of my all time favorite songs is "Mouthful of Cavities" by Blind Melon. I'm a Zeppelin girl, through and through. My mom is one of my best friends. I'm also the spitting image of my mother. My family is mostly of Irish decent. Did my near-ginger skin and freckles give any hint? I have never seen The Godfather. The movie, The Labyrinth, reminds me of my childhood. I am terrible at math. I do NOT like flying. I've been in love before, more than once. I'm totally down with the Man upstairs. He has been good to me, fo sho. Two things that will get you blacklisted: lying to me and talking down to me. I will not date someone with no ambition. (Add that one to turn offs.) I basically wait, most of the year, for football season to start back. I hate cold weather. I want to go to Australia, New Zealand and Greece. Techno is the worst "music" ever created. Old jazz and blues are fantastic. Give me Ella over club music, any day. The popular music of today is tragic. I love the people in my life and definitely don't tell them enough. I love hiking, camping and being outside. I want to hike the A.T. I don't like swimming with fish. The thought of them touching me weirds me out. However, I love the ocean. It's just entertaining to watch me dodge the fish. Golden Retrievers are my favorite breed of dog. I love macaroni and cheese. My favorite beer is probably Guinness. Feet gross me out. Clowns totally freak me out. My favorite color is red. I'm not very girly. My friends have said that I'm like "one of the guys, but trapped in a girls body." Is that supposed to be a compliment? I love cartoons. I am VERY self conscious about my legs. Cellulite doesn't look good on anyone. Bluegrass makes me happy. What you see is what you get with me. Take it or leave it.
Is that a run-on paragraph? My high school English teacher would be so proud of my literary skills.
I feel like this sums up most of me. Or, at least you now know a lot of unnecessary facts about me and my life. Facebook me and suggest future blog topics, so there won't be any more of these ridiculous time fillers from yours truly.
Me? Hmm. I have two dogs. If I had to pick 5 things I would go save from my house, if there were a fire, it would be the following: Scott and Belly (the dogs), my cowboy boots, my laptop, and any pictures I have that aren't saved online somewhere. (It's very convenient that my car has so much crap in it because most of the stuff I need/want is already in there.)
I care what people think. I love to say I don't but I do. We all do. You're a liar if you say otherwise. However, the older I get, the less I care. Is that why old people are so crass? Most of their friends are dead so they don't care what anyone else thinks? Oh yeah, I also lack a filter. I believe the previous sentence proves this.
Biggest turn offs: Man jewelry (of ANY kind other than a watch or a wedding ring... which I reckon would be considered a turn off as well. Haha.), bad teeth, long finger/toenails, and at this point in my life... a guy who smokes. I do not feel the need to make out with an ashtray, regardless of how much alcohol I've ingested.
Turn ons: MUSCLES. I love a guy in shape. I like tattoos, as long as they aren't of like a dragon or something. Yes, I am referencing someone. Good teeth. That's a big one. I also really like guys who drive 4x4 vehicles as well. Something more manly about them. I generally like guys to be very manly. Add men crying to my turn offs. (Yes, close friends. If you know me very well, this comment could lead to you laughing at a story from my past.)
Dream car? A 70's Bronco. Not past 77' though, they changed body styles too much in 78'. Probably a 76' or so. Yes. I am dead serious. Quit hating.
I am on the road to getting in the best shape of my life. I want to be "Jessica Biel hot." My hair may change colors a lot but I imagine it is a dirty blond. That sounds about right. Who really knows though? Little known fact? I have more grey hairs than my momma. Yeah. Silver fox by 30!! Here I come!
I have the best friends in the world. Yes, my best friends are better than your best friends. With that being said I absolutely HATE drama and remove it from my life whenever possible. I have lost friends along the way but I don't really have any desire for petty shit in my life. Get over it, drama llama. Enjoy your day.
A girl in my class was describing a current movie to another classmate the other day. Due to my years of bartending, I consider myself to be a professional eavesdropper. She said "the movie was absolutely terrible. It was full of sex, boobs and penises, cussing and other disgusting things." That's funny. Sounds like a GREAT movie to me! That should sum up how "adult" I can be.
I recently thought my insides were being depleted from an unwise decision to eat Krystal's at 2 in the morning.
I like to dress up and wear heels and what not, but I generally like jeans and my flippy floppies or my boots. My boobs are generally showing because there is no escaping them.
My all time favorite book is The Giver. Classic. With that being said, I LOVE Greek Mythology. No idea why but I can totally nerd it up from time to time and read Edith Hamilton's Mythology, though I've read it many times.
I want to be famous. I thought it would happen by now. Damnit.
Let's see how many random facts I can cram in a paragraph...I don't like chocolate or much jewelry. I do like flowers (gerber daisies, peonies and tulips are my favorite, hint hint, boys.) I LOVE seafood. It's my fav. I like the mountains, big cities and the beach. I want to play women's rugby and roller derby but don't have health insurance. I also don't know that I like the idea of someone ruining my money maker. I hate pretentious people. Ugh. I love my brother but hardly ever get to see him. I thought I'd be married by now but I'm glad I'm not. I still want 3 kids. One of my all time favorite songs is "Mouthful of Cavities" by Blind Melon. I'm a Zeppelin girl, through and through. My mom is one of my best friends. I'm also the spitting image of my mother. My family is mostly of Irish decent. Did my near-ginger skin and freckles give any hint? I have never seen The Godfather. The movie, The Labyrinth, reminds me of my childhood. I am terrible at math. I do NOT like flying. I've been in love before, more than once. I'm totally down with the Man upstairs. He has been good to me, fo sho. Two things that will get you blacklisted: lying to me and talking down to me. I will not date someone with no ambition. (Add that one to turn offs.) I basically wait, most of the year, for football season to start back. I hate cold weather. I want to go to Australia, New Zealand and Greece. Techno is the worst "music" ever created. Old jazz and blues are fantastic. Give me Ella over club music, any day. The popular music of today is tragic. I love the people in my life and definitely don't tell them enough. I love hiking, camping and being outside. I want to hike the A.T. I don't like swimming with fish. The thought of them touching me weirds me out. However, I love the ocean. It's just entertaining to watch me dodge the fish. Golden Retrievers are my favorite breed of dog. I love macaroni and cheese. My favorite beer is probably Guinness. Feet gross me out. Clowns totally freak me out. My favorite color is red. I'm not very girly. My friends have said that I'm like "one of the guys, but trapped in a girls body." Is that supposed to be a compliment? I love cartoons. I am VERY self conscious about my legs. Cellulite doesn't look good on anyone. Bluegrass makes me happy. What you see is what you get with me. Take it or leave it.
Is that a run-on paragraph? My high school English teacher would be so proud of my literary skills.
I feel like this sums up most of me. Or, at least you now know a lot of unnecessary facts about me and my life. Facebook me and suggest future blog topics, so there won't be any more of these ridiculous time fillers from yours truly.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
My first day as a woman and I'm getting hot flashes.
I recently bribed one of my besties to go sit through an hour of some woman talking. In order to obtain extra credit for a class that I could use some help in, we were required to attend a lecture on campus and write a brief summary. I have been offered similar extra credit in the past, during my decade as a college student, but have not even considered going until now. Why would I now decide to attend something that seems like it would end up being a good nap? Partially because I really want to do well in this class and partly because of the topic of the talk.
"Sex testing, Real Women."
If that doesn't peak at least a slight part of your interest for a boring campus lecture, I don't know what would. Hey, they're right... sex sells. Even if you have no idea what the hell it is that they mean at first.
Dr. Cynthia Pelak, a professor at New Mexico State University, was the speaker. If you closed your eyes and listened to her talk, you could have put money on the idea that you were listening to Joan Cusack. She sounded JUST like her. Anyway, the topic of her lecture was about the history and future of sex testing in athletes. (Did you hear about the 19 year old, South African, who failed the sex test in the 2009 Summer Olympics?) I had heard a little bit about this stuff in the past but I was pretty intrigued as to where it would go in an hour long speech.
She first started with the history of the Olympics and the relation of women to these historical games. I was unaware, as you probably are, that women couldn't even WATCH the games in the ancient 7th and 8th centuries. There was a proclamation that claimed women could be put to death for trying to sneak a peek. More modern games, circa 1896, claimed women could watch but definitely not participate. (I did a little "googling" later and found that these Olympics were held in Athens, as they were when the games first came to fruition. The only legal participants were free male athletes. I keep picturing the slaves in Gladiator.) It wasn't until 1976 that the Olympic Games included 20% women athletes.
Some reasons why I found this lecture to be amusing:
My thoughts? (I know you were wondering.)
First of all: When you get into the nitty gritty of the whole thing... the meat of the dissection... it's ridiculous. If I was an Olympic athlete (ya know, I'm so good at competing in so many athletic events... it was once on my options list...), I wouldn't want a man to be competing in the same event and posing as a woman. It would be unfair. I'm sure someone out there, cough cough women's rights people, that would disagree with where I am going with this. Generally speaking, men are not built like women. They excel at different things and most have greater athletic ability. Not all, obviously, but most. Funny how this goes all the way back to belief about reasons why man and woman were created. Hunters, gatherers, and Susie homemakers.
These obnoxious women kept raising their hands with comments (not questions as she asked us to give her) regarding their thoughts on this whole ordeal.
P.S., woman with your hair in a bun and lipstick on... You can't sit there and talk about how unfair it is for women to be treated any less when our society is not ready for women to be more dominant than men. Simple and true fact. Women make less money because the majority of the gender population takes time off to pop out babies. Women excel in areas of running a family and household. That is not to say, however, that women can't be Betty Badass when it comes to sports. I know plenty of girls that would school a boy at basketball, running, ninja stars, whatever. With that being said... let them gender test you, I say! Say you're a woman and proud of it! I realize that this seems terribly controversial, but with gender reassignment surgeries, technically there could be a guy pretending to be a woman in a competitive sport. For most of these events, that would give them an unfair advantage.
My tiny disclaimer here: I feel like there should be a way of proving it without discriminating against those who have deficiencies and other health problems from birth. Caster Semenya, the South African girl who failed her gender testing, was found later to be legitimately female and was cleared to competitvely run again. How embarrassing is that? "Oh, we're sorry to tell you that our tests say you're not a girl." "Oh wait, it's cool. We are gonna consider you a girl again." I would be running around that track with a finger in the air.
Also, the girlfriend who I dragged to the lecture with me and I, decided a comedic movie should be made regarding this sex testing. I picture Seth Rogan or Jack Black becoming a woman to compete in the Olympics. Surely you can see the humor in this. If not, get your panties out of a wad. Or manties...
"Sex testing, Real Women."
If that doesn't peak at least a slight part of your interest for a boring campus lecture, I don't know what would. Hey, they're right... sex sells. Even if you have no idea what the hell it is that they mean at first.
Dr. Cynthia Pelak, a professor at New Mexico State University, was the speaker. If you closed your eyes and listened to her talk, you could have put money on the idea that you were listening to Joan Cusack. She sounded JUST like her. Anyway, the topic of her lecture was about the history and future of sex testing in athletes. (Did you hear about the 19 year old, South African, who failed the sex test in the 2009 Summer Olympics?) I had heard a little bit about this stuff in the past but I was pretty intrigued as to where it would go in an hour long speech.
She first started with the history of the Olympics and the relation of women to these historical games. I was unaware, as you probably are, that women couldn't even WATCH the games in the ancient 7th and 8th centuries. There was a proclamation that claimed women could be put to death for trying to sneak a peek. More modern games, circa 1896, claimed women could watch but definitely not participate. (I did a little "googling" later and found that these Olympics were held in Athens, as they were when the games first came to fruition. The only legal participants were free male athletes. I keep picturing the slaves in Gladiator.) It wasn't until 1976 that the Olympic Games included 20% women athletes.
Some reasons why I found this lecture to be amusing:
- Women could not participate in sports in the "olden days" because it was said that they were too frail and their ovaries would shrivel up.
- It was obscene for women to do anything that required their legs be spread apart in public. Like, for example, bike riding. Whoa. How slutty of a woman to ride a bike.
- A woman or two passed out after running the 800m. So, what should they do to solve this problem? They canceled the event because women obviously cannot run 800m in a timely manner. That makes so much sense.
- The first method used to make sure that women were not men pretending to be women? Get this: THE PEEK AND POKE METHOD. (1966ish) The very immature part of me finds this to be hilarious. What small mature part of me that exists thinks this is absolutely humiliating and ridiculous. Keep in mind that there was no testing to see if women were posing as men.
My thoughts? (I know you were wondering.)
First of all: When you get into the nitty gritty of the whole thing... the meat of the dissection... it's ridiculous. If I was an Olympic athlete (ya know, I'm so good at competing in so many athletic events... it was once on my options list...), I wouldn't want a man to be competing in the same event and posing as a woman. It would be unfair. I'm sure someone out there, cough cough women's rights people, that would disagree with where I am going with this. Generally speaking, men are not built like women. They excel at different things and most have greater athletic ability. Not all, obviously, but most. Funny how this goes all the way back to belief about reasons why man and woman were created. Hunters, gatherers, and Susie homemakers.
These obnoxious women kept raising their hands with comments (not questions as she asked us to give her) regarding their thoughts on this whole ordeal.
P.S., woman with your hair in a bun and lipstick on... You can't sit there and talk about how unfair it is for women to be treated any less when our society is not ready for women to be more dominant than men. Simple and true fact. Women make less money because the majority of the gender population takes time off to pop out babies. Women excel in areas of running a family and household. That is not to say, however, that women can't be Betty Badass when it comes to sports. I know plenty of girls that would school a boy at basketball, running, ninja stars, whatever. With that being said... let them gender test you, I say! Say you're a woman and proud of it! I realize that this seems terribly controversial, but with gender reassignment surgeries, technically there could be a guy pretending to be a woman in a competitive sport. For most of these events, that would give them an unfair advantage.
My tiny disclaimer here: I feel like there should be a way of proving it without discriminating against those who have deficiencies and other health problems from birth. Caster Semenya, the South African girl who failed her gender testing, was found later to be legitimately female and was cleared to competitvely run again. How embarrassing is that? "Oh, we're sorry to tell you that our tests say you're not a girl." "Oh wait, it's cool. We are gonna consider you a girl again." I would be running around that track with a finger in the air.
Also, the girlfriend who I dragged to the lecture with me and I, decided a comedic movie should be made regarding this sex testing. I picture Seth Rogan or Jack Black becoming a woman to compete in the Olympics. Surely you can see the humor in this. If not, get your panties out of a wad. Or manties...
Monday, February 21, 2011
Run around, scrape your knees, get dirty...Get into trouble, for cryingout loud.
There are times in your life for certain things. For instance, when you're one, it's time for sticking your hands in a cake. When you're nine years old, it's time to go play outside and get dirty. Get into trouble. Build a fort. Play. When you're in middle school, it's time to have a crush; dance 2 feet from each other. Have fun. High school is when you are pressured to start figuring it all out. Say you live to be 100. What makes people think that at age 17, you will know what you want to do for the rest of your life? Ride in a car with a friend who has terrible driving skills. Make out with someone.
I hit it hard at 25. REALLY hard. I had what some might consider to be a quarter-life crisis. WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?!? Why am I not married or even on the road to that path? My parents were married and had both my brother and I by that age. NOTE: my parents are divorced and so are many of yours who did the same thing. I didn't have some fantastic job or a college degree yet, and felt as though I had accomplished nothing. I am so glad I went through that when I did. Some don't hit the questioning phase until much later. Clarity is something wonderful. Clarity for me means having no idea.
There were a few times when I thought I was on the road to marriage. Hell, I've been on the road to a college degree now for 10 years. I'm not married and I'm so glad that I'm not. Do I want to get married one day and have kids? Fo' Sho! Do I know when it will happen? Nope. I sure am glad that I don't. I have nothing against anyone who is my age and married with kids. I'm terrified of getting divorced, and for personal reasons, I'm glad I am single. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON.
My clarity recently came when I realized I want to be nine again. Okay, wait, that sounds weird. To better explain: I want to have fun. I think you can be responsible and make good, "grown-up" decisions, while having a blast at the same time. You live ONCE. (Unless you believe in reincarnation, I guess.)
I'm not going to judge anyone for what they believe but I am a Christian and I believe God made this awesome place in which we reside for us to fully enjoy it's beauty. Fall in love. Fall out of love. Fall in love again. Hang out with friends. Make new ones. GO OUTSIDE. GO EXPLORE. Take a trip. Catch a plane. Travel to another space, place or destination. I want to go EVERYWHERE. I want to see it all. Maybe that is why I like hiking and doing stuff like that. You get to see the little details. Your eyes are the camera and your mind is the video recorder. Take images.
I feel sorry for those people who do not have this same clarity. There are people who sit at home and watch TV everyday. There are folks who sit in a cubicle all week and are so tired on the weekend, they stay home and do nothing. Some people struggle financially that they feel they need to stay in and avoid spending money. Outside is free, FYI. I feel so sad for these people. I want to take advantage of this life while I have it. When it is time for me to go, I'll feel confident that I led an awesome life. Bucket Lists are for people who live in fear. Do crazy things all the time. Be spontaneous. Make mistakes. Go to a park. "Go out and sit on the lawn and do nothing. Cause it's just what you must do and nobody does it anymore."
*Above quote: Fiona Apple, "Waltz (Better Than Fine)"
I hit it hard at 25. REALLY hard. I had what some might consider to be a quarter-life crisis. WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?!? Why am I not married or even on the road to that path? My parents were married and had both my brother and I by that age. NOTE: my parents are divorced and so are many of yours who did the same thing. I didn't have some fantastic job or a college degree yet, and felt as though I had accomplished nothing. I am so glad I went through that when I did. Some don't hit the questioning phase until much later. Clarity is something wonderful. Clarity for me means having no idea.
There were a few times when I thought I was on the road to marriage. Hell, I've been on the road to a college degree now for 10 years. I'm not married and I'm so glad that I'm not. Do I want to get married one day and have kids? Fo' Sho! Do I know when it will happen? Nope. I sure am glad that I don't. I have nothing against anyone who is my age and married with kids. I'm terrified of getting divorced, and for personal reasons, I'm glad I am single. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON.
My clarity recently came when I realized I want to be nine again. Okay, wait, that sounds weird. To better explain: I want to have fun. I think you can be responsible and make good, "grown-up" decisions, while having a blast at the same time. You live ONCE. (Unless you believe in reincarnation, I guess.)
I'm not going to judge anyone for what they believe but I am a Christian and I believe God made this awesome place in which we reside for us to fully enjoy it's beauty. Fall in love. Fall out of love. Fall in love again. Hang out with friends. Make new ones. GO OUTSIDE. GO EXPLORE. Take a trip. Catch a plane. Travel to another space, place or destination. I want to go EVERYWHERE. I want to see it all. Maybe that is why I like hiking and doing stuff like that. You get to see the little details. Your eyes are the camera and your mind is the video recorder. Take images.
I feel sorry for those people who do not have this same clarity. There are people who sit at home and watch TV everyday. There are folks who sit in a cubicle all week and are so tired on the weekend, they stay home and do nothing. Some people struggle financially that they feel they need to stay in and avoid spending money. Outside is free, FYI. I feel so sad for these people. I want to take advantage of this life while I have it. When it is time for me to go, I'll feel confident that I led an awesome life. Bucket Lists are for people who live in fear. Do crazy things all the time. Be spontaneous. Make mistakes. Go to a park. "Go out and sit on the lawn and do nothing. Cause it's just what you must do and nobody does it anymore."
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Why do you hate heart shaped candy?
February 14. You see it on a calendar and immediately have feelings or some kind of emotion. Perhaps you have a memory of a great romantic day in your past spent with someone you care for or someone in love's past. Maybe it reminds you of heart shaped candy and cardboard cutouts in grade school.
Acid reflux, nausea, and utter annoyance. These are my feelings towards Valentines day. Though the origin of the "holiday" may have had meaning at one point, Americans are so far past this now. February 14 is now a Hallmark holiday when men feel the need to be forcefully over romantic (I can only imagine how busy the manscapers are on Valentines) and single women feel the need to down a bottle of wine and a pint of Ben and Jerry's. Funny how if you hate this day and you're single, you obviously are just pissed that you're alone. If you're in a relationship, things must not be going so well. No, I have not had some man wrong me in the past. I've never even had my heart broken. Oops. No, I'm not bitter because I'm single. Ask guys I've dated in the past. I DON'T DO VALENTINES DAY.
Valentines is day when couples feel the need to come up with the perfect gift for their significant other. Have you ever tried to go to dinner on this said day? Say you're in a relationship and you decide to go out for a nice dinner. Good luck getting reservations. How about roses? Guys wait until the day of to purchase and then there aren't any left. Chocolates? Yes! Rotting teeth! So sexy. Okay, so I personally don't like chocolate but you get the picture. Any of the previously listed items will set you back but any other gifts bought and I hope you have a separate savings account for this ridiculous day.
What happened to showing someone you care all of the other days of the year? Though there are some guys out there that can actually say that they buy flowers for no occasion at all, most don't even think about it until the world celebrates the IDEA of love, mid February. Barf. Grow some balls and show the person you care that you love them on a random day in October. Buy flowers because you are thinking about how much you enjoy their smile or their laugh. Go to a fancy dinner on a Tuesday in May. I can't tell you how many girlfriends over the years have had high expectations on Valentines, only to be left upset.
So, what do I do on February 14th? Though I don't generally "celebrate" the day, I can't help but think about what the day has so popularly come to mean. Do I buy myself flowers and chocolate or take myself to dinner? No way. I drink a bottle of wine and watch a movie or something. Do I sometimes secretly wish, deep down, that I was madly in love and was spending the day in a fairytale of romance? Perhaps. But only for a minute...
Hugs and Kisses from yours truely.
And, p.s.: red and pink don't even match. And, seriously, it's initials are VD. RED FLAG.
Spandex is a privilege, not a right.
This first blog was originally posted on Facebook. It is about the lack of a satisfactory workout facility in my hometown. Enjoy.
I recently turned 27. I'm not old or young. I'm in some limbo nearing 30 but still trying to hang on to my youth as tightly as I possibly can. Things are different than I thought they would be. I didn't think I would be on a 12 year college path. Alas, here I am. I'm happy but I also realize that 27 isn't 20. I need to get my stuff together. By stuff, I mean jiggle.
The gym has been calling my name off and on for years now. I heed to its beckoning on occasion but I also listen only at convenience. No more I say! I'm determined to be in the best shape of my life. Therefore, with a purchase of new workout clothes, kicks and the new iPod Nano (highly recommend because it clips to your workout gear), I am back at the gym on a regular basis.
Dear Chattanooga, can you please provide a place to tone ones self that doesn't include old people, 18 year olds, or a million year contract where you have to sign away your life? My dear friend Emmy and I have gone the the downtown Y recently. No Maam. There was an old guy hovering over my bike the second I quit using it. He was all, "hey are you gonna ride or what?" I wanted to say "EFF OFF GRANDPA!" but I didn't. There as a strange combination of career people in their 30's and old people trying to not die. I don't know about you but I need people that are in shape working out around me. Old people with their flabby skin don't make me want to be on American Gladiators. They were all sweaty and... IN SPANDEX.
Then there was the Arc. For those of you unaware, the Arc is UTC's newest addition. It is equipped with 3 stories of new equipment and fun things to keep you entertained while working out. I loved it at first. Since I am on the 12 year track at college, I have a "free" membership included in my $5,000/year tuition. When we first started going regularly to the Arc, it was fantastic. Hardly ever any people there, with a nice array of toned hot boys closer to our age to look at. (Don't pretend to judge me here, everyone wants eye candy at the gym.) Now that all these 100lb. idiots have new years resolutions, you can hardly walk in the place anymore. Emmy and I came the other day and there were 6 girls sitting on a yoga mat socializing the entire hour and a half that we were there, working out. I'm pretty sure rush week has been moved to the gym. (I have no problem with people in the Greek community that don't fall under this category. However, if you head to the Arc anytime soon you will see what I mean.) As I have said previously, some of us are there to actually work out. I can't handle these 18 year old girls with their designer workout clothes and hair did that stand around the machines, blocking their use, with no attempts to actually do anything physically. I just can't take it anymore! P.S. fat girls that think you're in shape...
You're not foolin anyone with your sports bra and t-shirt cut to resemble a guys muscle tank. When the arm holes gape to your waist, we can see those rolls of yours.
So, next will be the Rush. I worked out there for about a year and a half before and liked it. It's not bad if you don't mind meatheads staring at each other more than they're looking at you. Plus, the downtown location has like hardly anything in there. Oh, that's right... YOU HAVE TO SIGN CONTRACTS. I think last time it was a 2 year contract. Have you met me? I'm a nomad. I move too much for that. Who knows where I'll be in two years? I don't want to pay the $239487234987 that you have to in order to work out at the sports barn either. The 24/7 gym has like nothing in it. I JUST WANT TO WORK OUT WITH LESS PEOPLE AROUND ME AND A VARIETY OF EQUIPMENT WITHOUT SPENDING A MILLION DOLLARS. C'mon Chatty, help a sista out.
Want to air your dirty thoughts and hatred for me? Or perhaps you want to show some love? Feel free to do so now. I can handle it. After all, thats what these "P.S.'s" are for...
I recently turned 27. I'm not old or young. I'm in some limbo nearing 30 but still trying to hang on to my youth as tightly as I possibly can. Things are different than I thought they would be. I didn't think I would be on a 12 year college path. Alas, here I am. I'm happy but I also realize that 27 isn't 20. I need to get my stuff together. By stuff, I mean jiggle.
The gym has been calling my name off and on for years now. I heed to its beckoning on occasion but I also listen only at convenience. No more I say! I'm determined to be in the best shape of my life. Therefore, with a purchase of new workout clothes, kicks and the new iPod Nano (highly recommend because it clips to your workout gear), I am back at the gym on a regular basis.
Dear Chattanooga, can you please provide a place to tone ones self that doesn't include old people, 18 year olds, or a million year contract where you have to sign away your life? My dear friend Emmy and I have gone the the downtown Y recently. No Maam. There was an old guy hovering over my bike the second I quit using it. He was all, "hey are you gonna ride or what?" I wanted to say "EFF OFF GRANDPA!" but I didn't. There as a strange combination of career people in their 30's and old people trying to not die. I don't know about you but I need people that are in shape working out around me. Old people with their flabby skin don't make me want to be on American Gladiators. They were all sweaty and... IN SPANDEX.
Then there was the Arc. For those of you unaware, the Arc is UTC's newest addition. It is equipped with 3 stories of new equipment and fun things to keep you entertained while working out. I loved it at first. Since I am on the 12 year track at college, I have a "free" membership included in my $5,000/year tuition. When we first started going regularly to the Arc, it was fantastic. Hardly ever any people there, with a nice array of toned hot boys closer to our age to look at. (Don't pretend to judge me here, everyone wants eye candy at the gym.) Now that all these 100lb. idiots have new years resolutions, you can hardly walk in the place anymore. Emmy and I came the other day and there were 6 girls sitting on a yoga mat socializing the entire hour and a half that we were there, working out. I'm pretty sure rush week has been moved to the gym. (I have no problem with people in the Greek community that don't fall under this category. However, if you head to the Arc anytime soon you will see what I mean.) As I have said previously, some of us are there to actually work out. I can't handle these 18 year old girls with their designer workout clothes and hair did that stand around the machines, blocking their use, with no attempts to actually do anything physically. I just can't take it anymore! P.S. fat girls that think you're in shape...
You're not foolin anyone with your sports bra and t-shirt cut to resemble a guys muscle tank. When the arm holes gape to your waist, we can see those rolls of yours.
So, next will be the Rush. I worked out there for about a year and a half before and liked it. It's not bad if you don't mind meatheads staring at each other more than they're looking at you. Plus, the downtown location has like hardly anything in there. Oh, that's right... YOU HAVE TO SIGN CONTRACTS. I think last time it was a 2 year contract. Have you met me? I'm a nomad. I move too much for that. Who knows where I'll be in two years? I don't want to pay the $239487234987 that you have to in order to work out at the sports barn either. The 24/7 gym has like nothing in it. I JUST WANT TO WORK OUT WITH LESS PEOPLE AROUND ME AND A VARIETY OF EQUIPMENT WITHOUT SPENDING A MILLION DOLLARS. C'mon Chatty, help a sista out.
Want to air your dirty thoughts and hatred for me? Or perhaps you want to show some love? Feel free to do so now. I can handle it. After all, thats what these "P.S.'s" are for...
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