You've... Got Mail. Part Deux.

I have been procrastinating this one. Many reasons as to why I would do such a thing...

As you all know, I recently entered the mysterious world of online dating. Well, I should say I visited or looked at through a window. I didn't pay for any subscriptions, so I can't actually communicate. This was really to see if the first glance at the major websites, proved to be sufficient evidence, that there was hope in finding someone via internet. (Wordiest sentence ever? Perhaps.)

Here is what happens after you create a profile on multiple online dating websites:

1. You realize there is a reason why this whole thing would weird someone out in the first place. There are PLENTY of creepers on these sites. Also, many, many, many, many, of these people are terribly unattractive. You can tell me all day long that you care more about what's on the inside. I, however, will be honest and say I have to first be attracted to the outside. Judge me if you will.
2. As with any website, you have to enter a contact email address. And, as with most websites, they begin emailing the ever living hell out of you. I realize that "ever living hell out of you" may not actually make sense but I felt like it was dramatic enough to portray the annoyance. I get about 10-15 emails per day, all giving me some reason to upgrade to a paid subscription. This reason alone may be why I am not a fan. I feel like this is similar to a guy asking you out repeatedly when you aren't interested. There is this one guy that asks me to hang out at least once a week. I always have an excuse why I can't. Take a hint. You too, websites. I know where the button is to click and subscribe. Your incessant emails aren't going to push me in that direction.
3. Honestly, my main problem with these websites has more to do with me and less to do with the sites themselves. I still can't get past the thought that I'm capable of finding someone on my own, without a website generator pairing me with a stranger. I'm sure it doesn't help that this was kind of a dare and I'm not actually in it to find someone. Oops.

I'm sure that online dating is a very awesome tool for those who don't really have a way to meet people. Say, for instance, that you recently moved to a city and don't know anyone. Or, you work a lot and don't want to go meet people in bars. I get it. Maybe, if I'm still single in a few years I will be on every dating website known to man. Until then, I'm going to continue staring at the muscular guys at the gym, facebook stalking, and pray that when my friends say they are going to hook me up with someone, that I can trust their judgement. It's not like I'm really that picky. I was just telling my heterolife mate that the only things I can really think of that I'm looking for are: tall, good skin (preferably tanner than my ginger skin), muscles and works out a lot, must love dogs, non smoker, has to believe in God, have a good career, has to drink at least occasionally, wants children, drives a truck or suv, likes to travel and can be social. See? I'm not picky. This shouldn't be a problem for me.

P.S. I have had an abnormally large amount of weird "pickup lines" lately. The two best ones that win?
1. "Wow. Once I got over how beautiful you are I must say... You look EXACTLY like my second wife. Like, spitting image." I said "Um, is that a good thing or bad thing?" His response? "I don't know, I haven't married her yet." Yes, this actually happened. However, it is not as classy as the next one.
2. "Hey, I wanted to introduce you to my friends but I can't remember your first name. You told me your last name is Emerson, right?" "Um, no. My last name is not Emerson. Sorry." "Oh, are you sure? Cause Emerson big ol' boobies!" Not only did this happen, I now have a particular man-friend who calls me Emerson. Fantastic. Keep it classy, Tennessee.


This blog was originally written almost 2 years ago. Though I have still not found "the one," I am still not a paying member to any online dating service. I do have friends that this has been working out for, I must admit. It's some of me being stubborn and thinking that I can find the right one without help, and part of me getting to the point where I just don't care. He'll show up at some point, right? I'm exhausted.