You've... Got Mail. Part One.

June 18, 2011

First day at sea and I'm already longing for...

Okay I'm kidding. I may talk like a sailor from time to time but I am no seaman, and I surely am not going to write like one. However, these next few posts are going to be entered chronologically as I am entering an epic quest. Though many attempt, few conquer. What magical adventure is this? A journey, be it physical or emotional? Alas, no! I am venturing into the realm of online dating.

Oh, that's right. The social, internet version of coffee shops, bars, high school lunch rooms, nightclubs and where ever else people meet one another. The difference, other than the 3D meeting of the opposite sex, is the ability to "pass" based on qualities or characteristics of he/she. This can be something as simple as opposing religious or political views, or in my case, passing on someone who is obviously a douche bag based on a head shot alone. You are perhaps unaware that I have an ability to view these tools by viewing only a picture or two, but tis true. I have the uncanny capability to do so. (I need no comments from the peanut gallery here, based on my track record. It has improved over the years.)

In order to feel as though I am thoroughly researching this topic, I have registered to the "sample" or "free" versions of some of the major online dating sites this week. I realize that the free version does not sound thorough but you may see why I have yet to pay for one of these, once I continue. I have not decided if I will disclose which sites I am using in my research. I have reasons to withhold such information, such as my personal listing on these sites. This first entry, part one, will give the beginning insight to this interesting process.

First: I set up a personal profile for the website I had heard about the most. This site offers a very basic, user friendly, free edition for those who want to peruse. Though you have to subscribe to access many of the features this website offers, you can view anyone's profile for free. I find this to be helpful because you can see if it is a waste of your time or not. This site allows members to email each other, show their interest, do something similar to a Facebook "poke," and even chat. Most of these are exclusive to the paid edition, of course. Subscriptions are offered for 1-6 month increments, at a painful price of $18.99-$31.99 per month. Hence, why I am a free member. Though I haven't been on this site very long, I would say it may be the only one I would pay to join, if I were going down that road. They offer daily matches, and you can do a search by location or mile radius. NOTE: There are actually some good looking guys on this one. I haven't checked out the ladies side of this, obviously, but I was pleasantly surprised in the man selection. I also have some very good friends who are married and met via this site. Just sayin...

Second: I set up a profile for site #2. Turns out it is owned by site #1, so my registration was nearly completed for me, thanks to auto-fill. This site gives a personality test, and then matches you accordingly. I'm an explorer, if anyone was curious. That's right. Sounds kind of bad-ass doesn't it? That's what I thought. Take that, you "builders." Sheesh. Once again, daily matches, only this site uses first names instead of user names. I'm totally sketched out about using my first name on one of these. My matches, thus far, have left much much more to be desired. Oh, and subscription is as follows: (you may want to sit down, or grab a trash can for this one), $27.00-$50.00 PER MONTH. 

Third: I will say the least about this one because it is my least favorite. I have done the least with my profile on this site and there is an obvious reason for this. My DBag radar went off, pronto. The only pictures I have seen with this one are full on creepers. That is, unless of course, you're totally into middle aged men with long hair and gold chains. I don't know how much subscription is and don't care.

Fourth: I just filled out a forever long questionnaire. One of those that makes you believe that you could really find someone with similar interests. I get to the very end and it says you have to subscribe to see anything else. No matches, no temporary subscription, nothing free, and definitely no passing go. Oh and it's almost $175 for 6 months. Kiss my... well you get the idea.

Fifth: I am relying on my knowledge from other people on this website. You have to pay to join but I hear the reputation precedes itself. I know of a couple that met on this site and have been married for over a year now.  We will see...

That's all you get for now. A novelesque beginning to meeting someone you could potentially see yourself dating for the long haul. Keep in mind that each of these sites let you put in very specific qualities about yourself and who you hope to find. I am VERY picky. This should be interesting. Stay tuned!

P.S. There should be a website for only the weird creepers and people you could meet in a dive bar, separate from the other ones. No, guy in the american flag wife beater, eagle pendant chain, with the long ponytail... I'm glad you're "patriotic" but I'm not interested. Sorry.

True or False: All is fair in Love and War??

This blog is different. If you are expecting me to say silly things about uneventful topics, prepare yourself. Those of the male gender will probably like this article the least. However, I feel the need to write about something more thought provoked every now and then. I'll try not to get too "Carrie Bradshaw" on you, but no promises. Here goes...

A strong statement, first uttered hundreds of years ago, has been repeated and dissected more times than anyone can count. Are all things fair in love and war? Or, is the truth, that love and war are one in the same? There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. That is why fairy tales exist. Someone told a story to a cheeky little girl, to put her to sleep at night, long ago. Some story of romance and perfection, to make her head clouded with the thoughts of her Prince Charming to come in the future. What became of that little girl? Was she the first playwright for romantic comedies? Okay, most of us know that the first playwright for a romantic comedy was a man, and his stage actors were all male. Either way, I consider romantic comedies and fairy tales to be one in the same. They each lead the reader, listener, or audience to believe that there is a perfect match for every person. Are these stories fiction or non-fiction?

If age adds wisdom then I believe I am learning. Though I have never been a hopeless romantic, alas a serial crusher, I might have told you at one point in time in my life that I believed in a perfect match or a soul mate. My thoughts now, however, are quite different. The probabilities of finding the perfect person for you, with an estimated near 7 billion occupants on this colorful planet, are simply ridiculous. Does that mean that each person cannot find someone with which they can spend happily ever after? Of course not! We are supposed to be able to find our "counter part in another." (I laughed whilst typing that last part.)

The question posed from watching countless, far fetched, chick flicks is how long is the right amount of time to  fall in love? Is it one year? Is it 6 months? If you google "how long does it take to fall in love," the answers are all completely different. I read a message board, written by all women of course, and some of the answers were laughable. My favorite was, "I knew within moments of meeting him." REALLY??? You knew in MOMENTS? I find that hard to believe. I have been in love. More than once, even. None of my relationships have led me to believe I was in love with someone in moments though. Call me cynical but that seems like something a really naive, unexperienced person would say. Who knows though?

How far would you be willing to go to chance it? The chance of having a connection with someone that led to you  growing old together. Would you move across the country multiple times? Would you sabotage a friendship with someone over the chance that maybe there is something there with someone? Wouldn't a real friend want you to be happy anyway? Would you go against your friends and family in order to pursue happiness? Or how about posting an online dating profile, hoping that your friends don't see, but that a fantastic stranger does? The times are changing. Your parents aren't generally going to match you up with someone like the olden days. You aren't trading livestock or a family name. You are looking for happiness... to not end up alone.

Some people rush things. Some people are so scared to settle down that they never do and ruin any chance of a stable, happy relationship. Some couples enter a relationship and are so scared to exit it, even if they know it won't work in the future, that they stay out of fear. Some settle. Some people, and here is the kicker, never find someone with which they are compatible. I am afraid of that. I am afraid of not finding someone, eventually. I am somewhere in the midst of all of this. My friends are all getting married and settling down. I have learned not to rush things, out of previous experience, so I find myself single and debating. Have I met the man that I will one day marry? I cannot say yes, for certain. Will I fight for it when it comes along? You bet your ass I will. Other than betraying family and people I consider true friends, there isn't much I wouldn't do. You live once. I have said it before and I will say it again: take chances. Fall in love. Fall out of love. Fall in love again. BUT, if the "real thing" comes along, don't destroy the chance that could be. Take chances, I say! Are all things fair in love/war? I say yes. Do you?

This blog is dedicated to someone about a recent conversation. Hope this helps, mate!