You think anybody wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I'm wearing these bad boys??

Due to the feedback from the latest blog, and my overwhelming amount of laziness today, I've decided to do this again. I keep asking what you readers want to read about but most of the responses are ridiculous. I want to actually know what you want to read about. Until then, you're getting crap like this one.

My original P.S. from P.H. was my ranting about something that irked me, so this will be a follow-up of sorts. LOTS of irks. Things that get my panties in a wad. Stuff that either annoys me to no end, or makes me want to slap someone. Even if I don't verbalize it, which I generally do, these are the things I am sooooo over. (In absolutely NO particular order.)

1. Ear piercings on guys, particularly white ones. You are not Bon Jovi circa 1994. Even David Beckham looks ridiculous with those pieces of "ice" on his lobes. If he can't pull it off, guy in the armpit of America who is rocking them like he created the look, you sure as hell can't. Instead, you look like a D Bag... (Add flat brimmed hats to that as well.)

2. Use of the terms "winning" or "fail/failing." Are you people so unoriginal that you have to steal the punchline from Charlie Sheen's recent crazy outburst? It was funny for about a week, but even that was pushing it. You may look at it as making fun of a celebrity who appears to have gone off the deep end, but do you have any idea how much money he made off his "meltdown"? MILLIONS. Unless you have millions of dollars, shut up. I'm tired of everything being a "win" or "fail". It's so last month.

3. Feminists. You can vote! We get it already. You Hillary's and Lisa's preach about equality until you're blue in the face. The truth is, the majority of women still need maternity leave at some point. That is the underlying reason why women don't get treated fully equal. Not because men hate us and are afraid that we will steal their jobs. Because we are gonna need time off to pop out babies. We are here to procreate. Learn to deal with it. No one wants to hear you lobby for your vagina. Enough already. Women have it pretty awesome in this country so I'm not sure what it is that you're even yelling about. I'm all for ending violence against women but as for "equal rights in the workplace" and other day to day activities, give it a rest. I know that having a baby is a tough job. However, if I owned a business and there was a woman who was in the first few years of marriage (baby making time) and a man interviewing, and both were fully/equally qualified for the same job, which would I choose? Well, I guess it depends on how hot the guy is. (I kid, I kid.)

See previous blog about sex/gender testing in athletes as well for referencing other women's rights issues.


4. Toilet paper in the wrong direction. TP OBVIOUSLY needs to come over the top, NOT under the bottom. If you put the toilet paper facing the wrong direction, there is possibility of having all the paper unfold like a Slinky. The male species seem to be the ones who are generally guilty for this violation. Then again, you come across females from time to time who are unaware of their wrong doing. Perhaps a chromosome confusion? While I'm at it, what is with the "man paper"? I get that guys buy man TP but WOMEN??? I am appalled when I potty at a girlfriends house and she has some one-ply rice paper thin piece of crap for me to use. Really? I prefer soft to sandpaper.

5. Incorrect use of grammar and spelling. I have some very intelligent friends who still cannot spell the right form of "there." HOLY 3RD GRADE ENGLISH CLASS. Let us re-cap, shall we? "There" is an answer to the question, where? For instance, Where did you hide your expensive jewelry when your crazy aunt came to visit? Over THERE, under the mattress. Next, "their." This form shows possession. In a sentence?  THEIR mother still thinks she looks good in skinny jeans. And, finally, "they're." This means "they are." Example: THEY'RE going to the U2 concert because they have terrible taste in music. Your is a similarly misused word. "Your" means it has singular possession. "YOUR" dad thinks he is a member of the Duke family."You're" means "you are." For instance: "YOU'RE" the one who listens to Michael Bolton when no one is around. You get the idea. I'm just trying to help.

6. Noise makers at the gym. OH MY GOSH. I have yet to hear this commotion from a female, so guys, this is all you. Dear guy in a t-shirt that has been cut to resemble a tank top someone three times your size would wear.... there is absolutely ZERO need for you to make the sounds you do while lifting weights. This one guy at my gym makes these breathing noises while doing EVERYTHING. This includes weights, cardio, and even crunches. I can't decide if he is preparing to teach a lamaze class or if he has terrible asthma. This guy is probably 6'2", and nearing 300lbs. He is very muscular and has his hair in this ridiculous mini-ponytail. Listen, dude, no other guy is making this racket. There is no need for you to do it either. You just sound like a pregnant woman in labor. How is that a good thing?

7. One Uppers. Oh, goodness gracious people. There is not a level to everything. You are not on some verbal mountainous climb. I had a friend who always had to one up me about everything. This may be one of the most annoying things of all time. Sometimes it is smaller, everyday topics. For instance, if I said "it is 75 degrees where I live and so beautiful today," a one upper would say, "it's 80 degrees where I live and I'm heading to the beach." If you don't know what I'm talking about, then good for you. You have had the joys and privilege of not having to deal with these annoying societal skid marks. The worst is if you have bad news and they still feel the need to have worse news. I remember venting to someone at some point about a family member of mine and a huge falling out that we had. Their response (notice how I spelled "their", there, grammatical retards)? Some story about how that particular family member had never been in their life and I should be happy that I was in the position I was in at that time. Seriously? Shut the hell up. One uppers feel the need to try and make everything about them and it pisses me off to no end. I catch myself doing it from time to time. I won't lie. I want to roundhouse kick myself.

8. "Going Green." Hold on, before you start trying to hang me... I mean as a fad. How many of you people seriously care about the environment? Really? That's funny because I remember when this movement somewhat started. When I went through my "hippie phase," years ago, I was all about recycling and doing things for the greater good of the environment. My friends gave me a hard time because I wouldn't get to-go containers from restaurants if they were made from styrofoam. How many of you "yuppie, green activists" refuse to use styrofoam? Any of you? Do you know that it takes more than 5,000 years to bio-degrade? Google the life span of litter. If you don't recycle it, or if it is non-recyclable, you will be surprised to find how long it's gonna stick around. I just don't like that this seems to be a fad. With that being said, I no longer recycle at my house, and I get styrofoam to-go containers. Screw it. I'll start doing it again in 5 years when you people move on to the newest, latest thing. Meanwhile, the only going green I'll be doing is my drinking of green beer on St. Patty's Day. 

9. People who go out of their way to be "different." I hate to tell you, but if you have a group of friends who are all trying to rise up against the norm, you're being just like each other. Therefore, negating the whole proposition. I recently heard a story about people who believe food should be free, so they refuse to pay for food. Yes, these are real life dumpster divers. Disgusting. You guys aren't anarchists, you're just stupid. Bathe yourself. Get a job. Pay for stuff like the rest of us. This here's 'Merica! Dirty hippies.

10. Really fat people in clothes that is obviously far too small for them. I can't tell you how many girls I have seen in the past month who have been in pretty much all spandex type clothes when they shouldn't be. Just because it is physically covering you, doesn't mean we can't tell what is underneath. I am not hating on overweight people. I am friends with some awesome people who are larger.I am just suggesting that these "flaunt it if you think you got it" people buy fitting clothes. I don't want to see a giant guys gut hanging out under his shirt or his plumber crack when he moves forward. Hell, I don't want to see a hot guys butt crack. Cover it up. We, being people with eyesight, are begging you.

Okay, I'm sure some of you are laughing and some of you now hate me. That is the risk I was willing to take in the name of blogging. I really wasn't trying to offend anyone. I do not, in any way think women shouldn't have rights. I just think some of these women take it too far. I do care about the environment. I just don't like people following something just because it seems like the cool thing to do. You should want to take care of this awesome planet, not because the media makes you feel like you should.

P.S. If you like U2, well, I'm sorry you have poor taste in music. :)

That's all for now, read on and comment away, blog readers!!!

I wanna say something. I'm gonna put it out there...

I just can't decide. It's been a while since I've been here because I just can't decide. I could write about politics, but I don't think my reading audience is quite ready for that yet. I could write about the meaning of life, but I'm pretty convinced there isn't one and life is what you make it. I could write about where unicorns come from, but let's be honest, does anyone truly know where such a wonderful and majestic creature could be created? It may literally blow the mind. So, what then? Me. I'm writing about me. Why? Cause I'm obviously very selfish. (I wrote a similar blog years ago on myspace. I don't know if any of you remember what that is but it was a website similar to facebook. I did not reference the previous blog whilst writing this one. I'm curious to compare the two in the future.)

Me? Hmm. I have two dogs. If I had to pick 5 things I would go save from my house, if there were a fire, it would be the following: Scott and Belly (the dogs), my cowboy boots, my laptop, and any pictures I have that aren't saved online somewhere. (It's very convenient that my car has so much crap in it because most of the stuff I need/want is already in there.)

I care what people think. I love to say I don't but I do. We all do. You're a liar if you say otherwise. However, the older I get, the less I care. Is that why old people are so crass? Most of their friends are dead so they don't care what anyone else thinks? Oh yeah, I also lack a filter. I believe the previous sentence proves this.

Biggest turn offs: Man jewelry (of ANY kind other than a watch or a wedding ring... which I reckon would be considered a turn off as well. Haha.), bad teeth, long finger/toenails, and at this point in my life... a guy who smokes. I do not feel the need to make out with an ashtray, regardless of how much alcohol I've ingested.

Turn ons: MUSCLES. I love a guy in shape. I like tattoos, as long as they aren't of like a dragon or something. Yes, I am referencing someone. Good teeth. That's a big one. I also really like guys who drive 4x4 vehicles as well. Something more manly about them. I generally like guys to be very manly. Add men crying to my turn offs. (Yes, close friends. If you know me very well, this comment could lead to you laughing at a story from my past.)

Dream car? A 70's Bronco. Not past 77' though, they changed body styles too much in 78'. Probably a 76' or so. Yes. I am dead serious. Quit hating.

I am on the road to getting in the best shape of my life. I want to be "Jessica Biel hot." My hair may change colors a lot but I imagine it is a dirty blond. That sounds about right. Who really knows though? Little known fact? I have more grey hairs than my momma. Yeah. Silver fox by 30!! Here I come!

I have the best friends in the world. Yes, my best friends are better than your best friends. With that being said I absolutely HATE drama and remove it from my life whenever possible. I have lost friends along the way but I don't really have any desire for petty shit in my life. Get over it, drama llama. Enjoy your day.

A girl in my class was describing a current movie to another classmate the other day. Due to my years of bartending, I consider myself to be a professional eavesdropper. She said "the movie was absolutely terrible. It was full of sex, boobs and penises, cussing and other disgusting things." That's funny. Sounds like a GREAT movie to me! That should sum up how "adult" I can be.

I recently thought my insides were being depleted from an unwise decision to eat Krystal's at 2 in the morning.

I like to dress up and wear heels and what not, but I generally like jeans and my flippy floppies or my boots. My boobs are generally showing because there is no escaping them.

My all time favorite book is The Giver. Classic. With that being said, I LOVE Greek Mythology. No idea why but I can totally nerd it up from time to time and read Edith Hamilton's Mythology, though I've read it many times.

I want to be famous. I thought it would happen by now. Damnit.

Let's see how many random facts I can cram in a paragraph...I don't like chocolate or much jewelry. I do like flowers (gerber daisies, peonies and tulips are my favorite, hint hint, boys.) I LOVE seafood. It's my fav. I like the mountains, big cities and the beach. I want to play women's rugby and roller derby but don't have health insurance. I also don't know that I like the idea of someone ruining my money maker. I hate pretentious people. Ugh. I love my brother but hardly ever get to see him. I thought I'd be married by now but I'm glad I'm not. I still want 3 kids. One of my all time favorite songs is "Mouthful of Cavities" by Blind Melon. I'm a Zeppelin girl, through and through. My mom is one of my best friends. I'm also the spitting image of my mother. My family is mostly of Irish decent. Did my near-ginger skin and freckles give any hint? I have never seen The Godfather. The movie, The Labyrinth, reminds me of my childhood. I am terrible at math. I do NOT like flying. I've been in love before, more than once. I'm totally down with the Man upstairs. He has been good to me, fo sho. Two things that will get you blacklisted: lying to me and talking down to me. I will not date someone with no ambition. (Add that one to turn offs.) I basically wait, most of the year, for football season to start back. I hate cold weather. I want to go to Australia, New Zealand and Greece. Techno is the worst "music" ever created. Old jazz and blues are fantastic. Give me Ella over club music, any day. The popular music of today is tragic. I love the people in my life and definitely don't tell them enough. I love hiking, camping and being outside. I want to hike the A.T. I don't like swimming with fish. The thought of them touching me weirds me out. However, I love the ocean. It's just entertaining to watch me dodge the fish. Golden Retrievers are my favorite breed of dog. I love macaroni and cheese. My favorite beer is probably Guinness. Feet gross me out. Clowns totally freak me out. My favorite color is red. I'm not very girly. My friends have said that I'm like "one of the guys, but trapped in a girls body." Is that supposed to be a compliment? I love cartoons. I am VERY self conscious about my legs. Cellulite doesn't look good on anyone. Bluegrass makes me happy. What you see is what you get with me. Take it or leave it.

Is that a run-on paragraph? My high school English teacher would be so proud of my literary skills.

I feel like this sums up most of me. Or, at least you now know a lot of unnecessary facts about me and my life. Facebook me and suggest future blog topics, so there won't be any more of these ridiculous time fillers from yours truly.