I go through addiction phases with TV shows. Now that you can watch an entire season of something in one sitting, on demand, I am an avid user. I hate to admit that if I get "sucked into" a show, I will watch as many episodes as my body/schedule will allow. Then, I look for every chance I have to get my fix. Aaah, the good stuff. Why would anyone actually try meth when they can get hooked on the later seasons of Breaking Bad?? Even if you binge eat, while watching, your teeth will probably appreciate my version of drugs.
The latest drug I am on, is The Walking Dead on AMC. The premise of the show is absolutely ridiculous. The world, as we know it, pretty much ends. Zombies take over. They eat flesh. You've heard the story. It's even more far fetched than a mortal falling in love with a vampire who masquerades as a human, only to be confused by her best friend who loves her and is also a werewolf, only to end up marrying the vampire and spawning the half mortal child with her ageless lover. Nevertheless, I find myself counting the days until the next episode. (This isn't even a bad one. You want to talk about serious addictions? You should have seen me when I got into Sons of Anarchy. Ridiculous.)
Zombie apocalypse? I can honestly say that it is probably the most far fetched premise I can think of for some form of an Armageddon. Watching this show makes me think. Therefore, I have prepared a list.
How to survive a zombie apocalypse:
1. Man up. Quit being any form of a wuss and learn to shoot a gun, accurately. If bullets kill, find some. Learn to use them. I would imagine avoiding having your flesh eaten off would be a decent enough reason to quit running around screaming, (ahem, stereotypical females), and get your "stuff" together. If you don't know how to protect yourself, ask the burliest man you can find. I'm sure he would be happy to make fun of you and then help.
2. Become a pirate. Chances are, if most of the world is dead and trolling around for human meat, they aren't going to mind some looting. If you are near pretty much ANY kind of store, do what you are tempted to do. Go in. Take anything of use. This includes, but not limited to: food, drink, first aid, ammo, weapons, gas, and especially hygiene products. Just because there aren't as many fish to pick from doesn't mean it is an excuse to turn into the version of yourself after you have had the flu for 4 days. Girls, people lost their loved ones, not their eyesight. Clean it up a little. He may not be a 10, but if you have to procreate to save mankind, Earl Smith is starting to look a lot more like Ryan Reynolds.
3. Seek out shelter. Get out of the most populated places, and head to the safest place you can find. Make some friends. Try not to kill each other. If there are children present, make sure you watch them at all times. They are like dumb, moving, zombie bait. That goes for old people too. If you had any of them left. I imagine they would die off pretty quick. Yeah, I said it.
4. Mobility. Steal, I mean "find", anything that moves. You would probably want to go easy on gas. Therefore, get old school. I would find a barn full of horses and have them as backup. Picture yourself as a cowboy, and zombies as... something cowboys have to kill? Bank robbers? I've got nothing. I wasn't going to say Indians, either. I am very obviously a 32nd Cherokee. I'm sure you could tell. You get my point. Hell, I would get all redneck. Get a bunch of big trucks and ATVs. Load em up with food, beer and a ton of guns and ammo. Go zombie hunting!!! Okay, I let my Tennessee out a little too much there. Back in the cage with you!
5. Last, but not least, don't be an idiot. This show has plenty of these examples. Perhaps you shouldn't go wandering out alone, at night. Or scream like an idiot if zombies are attracted to noise. Or drive around a vehicle that requires the most amount of maintenance or gas. Don't herd them into a barn... Really?
Food for thought.
I know, it is a topic of concern these days. There are now groups of people preparing for the impending doom of the apocalypse. "Doomsdayers." Are you people freaking kidding me?
PS, procreate. You are the last people on Earth! Get to work!! (Once you find the right one and get married of course. Duh.)
In my version of a zombie apocalypse, flesh eaters all look like Rob. Does that make him more human than human? (Too much coffee, I apologize.)
